Living on the Edge...or a Prayer?

*le sigh*

I wouldn't want to say that my biggest fears are coming true, because my tongue holds power. So what I don't want to happen, I will not say.

However, I do want to whine a bit.

I had this grand plan in my head. A plan which would start 6 months ahead and would prepare me for greatness. Problem with plans is, they never happen EXACTLY the way you want.

So I've had bits and pieces of this plan coming to fruition, while the other bits are kinda falling through. Falling. Not fallen.

And now, with less than 2 months to go, and because of some miscalculation and lack of awareness on my part, I am made to sit and wait for at least another 2 weeks before I can get another go at it. Booooo!!!

So, I'm living on the edge. And a little worried.

I keep reminding myself to cast my worries and cares onto Him, and enjoy the next couple of weeks, which would be really exciting and happening! Since He has brought me so far, He'll also bring me there. THERE.

So there. in 2 weeks' time, I will head down to 'that office' and submit all the stuff, and it shall be fine. And then, a few days later, I will be told that I am given the green light and it's all systems go!

I thank the Lord, and claim favour and all things good.

In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Today...

I feel it sooo strongly today. More than any other day.

I can't wait.

My 'Secret' Ambition in Life

I wanna be a detective.

Or a criminologist.

Or a behaviour analyst.

Or a public prosecutor.

Or an ass-kicking special agent.

I have been watching too much TV.

Law & Order, Law & Order Special Victims Unit, Law & Order Special Intent, Criminal Minds, NCIS: LA, Flashpoint, CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York...you get the drift.

I sometimes wished I'd study criminology or victimology or criminal law. Then, I also realise that reality is not like what you see on TV. Especially US television programmes. Soooo far off.

I wanna be a smart-talking, shades-wearing, quick-thinking, ass-kicking detective. Or agent.

Isn't that just soooo cool?

P/S: I sometimes pretend like I'm some special agent or working undercover. Maybe this is why I like typing. It makes me look like I'm doing something serious, when I'm doing frivolous stuff.

Like blogging.

往事只能回味

From when I was a little kid, my mum would make us sing. I think she always liked music, but cause she has...how shall I describe this...a tone-issue, so she doesn't sing when there are others around.

She used to make us sing ALL kinds of songs, especially those she can't sing. Like Mandarin oldies, and Japanese songs. She can't read Chinese characters. So she'd tell us which songs she like and want us to learn. Then she would write down the hanyu pinyin of the Japanese words (cos at one point, she could read Jap) and make us learn the songs. After that, she'll make us sing the songs over, and over, and over again!

往事只能回味 was one of the songs she made me learn. And learn I did. I learnt the song so well that I knew every 转音, pitch and tone. My mum also knew exactly how to make me sing it over and over again; she'd say things like "Wah! You sound exactly like the singer!" and it'll boost my ego that I didn't mind singing it so many times over.

Recently heard the song on TV, and felt so tempted to sing it. No chance to, so I can only blog about it. One of these days, I should record myself singing all the old songs I used to sing. LOL.

JUST did it again!

See what I mean?!?! Itchy backsides! (Read previous post)

I JUST did it again! Barely 5 mins ago!!! Baaah...

And now, because of what I did, I wanna do some serious ass-kicking!

I honestly can't stand it when people are so prejudiced, judgmental and SNEAKY! They think they know better, but really, they know nothing. And in what I would say to my students, they communicate irresponsibly.

And I can't stand EVEN MORE, those who hang out and lim kopi or la teh with this kind of people to add fuel to fire. I mean, why in the right mind would you do that? Don't you know he has a screw loose or some parts missing up in the thing above his neck? He ACTUALLY thinks he knows better. HE DOES!!!

BUT, because I will take the high road, I will just quote Russell Peters and say...

"Somebody's gonna get a hurt reeeal bad..."

Things you know you''ll regret doing, but will still do.

Some days, I feel as if one should not have an itchy backside.

In colloquial-speak, an "itchy backside" means "an action that asks for it". "It" being whatever you didn't want to get; a feeling, some kind of retribution, or action.

And I, for one, have an itchy backside.

I mean, I know for a fact that I should not do some stuff, or say some things, but somehow, I still do it. And then, when I have to face the consequences, I wish I hadn't had an itchy backside and started it. That is when I start regretting what I did/said, and wished I had the cow sense to not do/say those things.

Why does that happen?

Hmm...curiousity mostly. Sometimes, it's sheer stupidity. I don't know which comes first. I suppose it's stupid curiosity.

For example, there are somethings I DON'T NEED to know, but I still WANT to know, just because I wonder what it is and what would happen IF I knew.

So I find out. And I know. And it does NOTHING GOOD for me. I don't feel good about it. And I wonder now, WHY did I even bother finding out when life would have been SOOOO much better if I didn't.

Okay, hold that thought. Now, this concept does not apply to people who cheat and/or lie. If someone is cheating or lying to you, you'd better do ALL you can to find out EVERYTHING so you can make an informed decision of DUMPING him/her. By dump, I refer to all KINDS of relationship: personal, intimate, friendship, business, whatever.

Back to the topic.

Yes, there are just some days I slap my forehead and whack my tushie to chide myself for being such a busybody. And I ask the perennial question,"WHHHHHYYYYYYY????", followed by an exasperated "argh!!!".

You'd think with age and experience, you'd be a little wiser.

But nooooooo............

Puh!

Hair

I have an obsession with hair.

Those on my head. (Hello? What are you thinking???)

I have a (bad) habit of touching my hair from roots to ends and feeling if it's frizzy or curly or not quite right. And I can spot a short - wait, make that very, very, VERY short strand that is not growing out right. How short? Say, less than a centimetre? And I'll get my sis to take a tweezer and pull it out.

Whenever I have nothing to do, or reading or studying or stoning, I touch my hair. I feeeel my hair.

My mum says it's my bad habit. My cousin, who once saw me studying and playing with my hair, once remarked, "She touch-touch her hair only, then can study already (as in, do well in my studies)!" LOL.

Actually, I don't know what it is about hair that I am so obsessed about. It's slightly OCD-ish. I can't help it. As much as I feel bad whenever I pull a hair out, whether accidentally or on purpose, I still do it.

AND, I noticed other girls who do it too. So, I'm not alone.

I really can't explain it. I just hope I won't get bald in the process. *Knock on wood*

Good, bad, happy, sad?

Some days, I wonder if the reason why I really cannot think of anything to blog about is because I am not miserable, depressed and sad.

I remember the times when I wrote stuff with so much emotions, innuendos and "philosophies of life". And I would always get these comments about how true they were and how I was speaking their minds, etc etc.

But you know what? I really wasn't happy then.

I suppose for many people, it's all these sad, miserable, depressing thoughts that gives them the inspiration to write. But I don't like how I felt then. I felt inadequate, unappreciated, unworthy, unhappy, and all the other words with a prefix in front of a nice, positive word to make it the exact opposite.

Nah...I don't want that. I like that I am happy now. That I am satisfied, yet hopeful. Joyful and feel completely worthy.

So I should write about things that makes me happy in life.

Like today, I went to church and heard an awesome sermon, despite feeling a little sleepy at times. Then, I had fish-head curry for dinner, even though I shouldn't, with my throat not feeling that great. And now, I am ALMOST done with grading this class.

Tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow will bring? I may not like it now (cos I have a class tomorrow), but hey, I know it'll be a blessed day and a day full of hope and happiness!

I may not be happy all the time, but I have joy in my heart, and I will be a happy person.

That's all that matters.

That's it. I'm sick!

Boo...

There are 2 things I really hate.

1. A sore throat.

2. A cold = runny nose

I don't really know what happened. Probably was a result of the weekend binge on heaty food. Let me see, what did I have? A hearty McDonalds breakfast, some bacon aglio olio, and chix wings? I suppose I didn't drink enough water or ate enough fruits and vegetables. Sunday night was when I started downing water like there's no tomorrow. Monday came, and I went for class with a hint of a sore throat.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was spent trying to rest and heal the sore throat. By the evening, I started sneezing like there is no tomorrow.

Alas, there IS a tomorrow. And today was it.

I developed a runny nose.

So, all those Difflam lozenges, Panadol Cold tablets, those spoonsful of normal Pi Pa Gao and special (Luo Han Huo) Pi Pa Gao and the 1000mg of vitamic C did nothing for me. At least until today, there is no visible sign of getting better. The sore throat is still sore (though not painful at least), and the nose is kinda blocked.

Baaa...I hate being sick. I'm feeling all lethargic and I haven't even started on my grading yet.

This sucks.

Give me something to read!

I can't surf endlessly. I can't even do that for more than 20mins.

This is why people should write more often in their blogs.

I need to find things to occupy myself with online. The next best solution would be to play online games, but that's not ideal, methinks. I really like reading my friends' blogs and finding out what is happening in their lives.

You know, this would be increasingly important. When I...am away and am alone.

So people, please write more.

And if anybody reads this and wants me to do the same, I'll oblige too. That is, if anybody reads this. And wants me to.

What goes in, must come out.

I have been pondering on a theory in the last couple of weeks intermittently.

It is MY theory that I do not retain stuff well.

Evidence 1: After my first meal, be it breakfast or lunch or brunch, it would "activate" my bowels almost immediately after I complete the meal. Without fail.

Evidence 2: I can't drink more than a glass of liquid without wanting to go pee soon after. This is one reason why as much as I like sitting at a coffee place for hours, I often can't last more than 2 hours. Cos I need to pee.

Evidence 3: Have you seen me?

So. while others have a problem IN water retention, I have a problem OF water retention. Or any kind of retention, less waste materials, for that matter.

I suppose, as long as healthwise, it's all fine, then I should have nothing to complain about. So I thank God for giving me good health!

And in the meantime, I'll just have to...errr...work the system.