Target practice...BANG!

Haven't had time to fully utilise my laptop because i'm either home late and too tired, or my sister is hogging the cable line. yes...i know about wireless routers, but mine is spoilt and i can't afford to buy a new router for the time being. so, there...have to wait my turn.

and my turn is a monday afternoon. a day where i have absolute rest (or not) and i get to use the cable line!

ANYWAY, good stuff first. i got a new phone!!! finally!!! away with the fone that takes 6 minutes to send a message! in comes my NEW phone - Nokia 7390!!!

i got the bronze and black colour instead of the pink and white, coz it's sleeker and chic-er. i kinda like it, but it's been only a week, so we'll see how it goes in a month's time. haha...rem, my old fone? i was raving about it too...and then in 1 month, i saw it's true colours...hrmph!

i've been doing some calculations this week. even though i'm gonna have a long break, i doubt i'll be able to go out much coz i WOULD be seriously broke. i still have a ton of debts and bills to pay off before chinese new year. it's said that u can't owe people money over the new year, so i HAVE to pay everyone back. that's taking up half of my monthly salary. plus giving my parents jia yong and the bills and insurance and buying new year clothes and transportation and food...i'll be left with enough to spend 10 days at home and rot.

looks like no holiday this time round. last year for the CNY break, we went bangkok, the whole company. this year, i doubt i can even afford the airfare. bah...at least i can be comforted by the thought of ang baos...

sobz...

ANYWAY, sob stories aside, i just read an email from a good friend of mine. his heart got broken recently because he was sort of two-timed. past the feeling of betrayal, he decided to forgive and is giving that person a 2nd chance. he told me it's been hard coz he still see horrible images in his head now and then, but he has to try to ke fu it. and he doesn't know if this time, it'll work out, but that's all he is going to do. if that person doesn't cherish it, it's bye for good.

so i replied to him that there is no explanations for these kinda things, like relationship stuff. we can just hope that people dun repeat their mistakes. i've heard tons of things like "oh..a leopard never changes it's spots" and stuff. i don't know whether that is really it. can i change who i am? change is relative really. sometimes you don't think it affects anyone but it does. sometimes you think that's just you and you can't change but you can. sometimes you think you've changed but others don't think you have. so there is really no end to it.

i'm sure we all want to be a better person. if i know something i did has hurt someone, i'll try not to do it again. but then again, that's me. some people, perhaps, never think that way. especially guys i realised. (ok...i'm marginalizing again) do all guys think that they hurt someone ONLY when something has actually happened?

EXAMPLE: FLIRTING

Guys: It's ok to flirt with other girls. it's just talking and messaging and going out for meals. it's not as if we are doing anything.

BUT you are doing something. The initiation, the follow-up...they are all something. what consitutues "anything" anyway?

ok...before i get real carried away...coz i tend to do so, i'll just stop. you never know who's reading and coming up with wild conclusions again. haha...but just a teaser:

I've got a new TARGET.

And I've got my eyes on you...

What A Week!

wat sial...it's been such an eventful and busy week that i shall try my bestest and hardest to recall the last few days.

let's see...i stopped at tuesday right?

i dun remember what i did on tues and wednesday...so let's just skip that.

thurs, i guess the most momentous thing happened at night. yes...it was result day for PSS2. so by now, everyone knows already that diya and daren are the female and male champion respectively. i won't say i'm surprised by that, but i sure felt something really sureal. i mean, just a couple of months back, everything was different. especially in diya's case. i still remember us dicussing about joining PSS coz she couldn't make up her mind about whether she should join or not. somehow, she just got in...and in...and in...and now, what do u know? FEMALE CHAMPION! and daren...he came in like some blur bird (still looks blur to me..haha), and now, MALE CHAMPION? woah...

anyway, CONGRATS to both of you!

diya: hey gal! jia you and do US girls proud! i can't wait to see u in a skirt or dress (i hope!!!). hahaha...looking prettier though, i must say. hee...just enjoy performing like u always do! muakz!!

alright. moving along...

FRIDAY...i got my new lap top!!! yes, i'm using it now. wahahaha...i love love love it!!! then went to cine to meet jeremy, shiyu and alexis for dinner. went walk walk abit until tony joined us for movie. pan's labyrinth! err...shiyu liked it a lot. i was OK. jeremy didn't really enjoy it coz he was really restless and tired. hur hur...somemore it was in spanish so we had to concentrate and read the subtitles. i got pretty restless in the middle too lah.

saturday is busy busy busy day at MC, as always. tommy got back from reservist so that's a relief! i went for judging at fu lu shou for a kids' singing competition. some of these kids are solid man! kids these days...haiz...where's the innocence??? came back MC to teach. then went to eat dao huay with jeremy and shiyu. eat eat eat. all we do is watch movie and eat, really. hahaha...oh, and chelsea lost to liverpool! YES!!!

sunday is also busy busy day. i taught all the way from 12.30pm to 5pm! phew! my throat feels pretty irritated now, but i tink it's cause i had carl's jr chilli cheese fries. hehehe...went vivocity to walk walk until my feet sore! bahhh...

i need to go to the cobbler of shoe-fix to fix the soles and heels of my shoes. they are wearing out like crazy, all my bangkok shoes. i wanna go back bangkok to buy somemore shoes. wahahaha...yes, they are never enough!

AND, i wanna clear my wardrobe too. think some clothes are not suitable for me anymore. must upgrade my wardrobe and wear things closer to my age. i can't look 17 forever (though that irritating uncle at the kopitiam thinks i'm 17...hahah!).

looking back at my list of things i want, i've got 2 of the many material objects already. the wallet and the laptop. hopefully wil get the handphone soon! GOD! my phone really sucks! i can't even begin to say... bah!

ok, i m going to watch the MAN UTD match le!!!! woooooh~~~!!!

HAPPINESS!

very happy...coz i went tampines mall for dinner and walk walk yesterday...heehee.

it was worth it, even if i had to take a bus from woodlands to tampines and back. it's the company that counts!

and happiness is often underrated, so i shall cherish it!

anyway, think i'll be very happy today too!!!

Note: i finally caught the damn catfish in the tank and took it out. now my poor parrot fishes can eat and live in peace!

Da Nana Code

first and foremost, someone or some people have been reading my blog and making wild-ass speculations about me or what i write. i don't really care if whoever reads my blog, even if it's in all secrecy. really don't give a crap. you can be just kay-poh or wanna know more about me. go ahead man. i'm actually quite flattered. but since when did anyone have the right to make wild judgments and speculations about me TO other people?

usually, i'm not in the habit of explaining myself about what i write to anyone, especially numbskulls of the abovementioned. so...

consider this one reeeeally rare occasion.

k...

YES...i know that by putting my writings in a blog instead of a diary means it's being made public for anyone and everyone to see and even scrutinized. so i'm kinda asking for it. but i write for a few reasons. 1. to let my friends know what i've been up to when i don't or can't call them or email or meet them. 2. to reason out my inner demons, share my feelings or thoughts or ideas. 3. to vent and release all the emotions pent up inside. because...this is err...like...MY BLOG?

obviously, i understand that some people may or may not agree with what i write. some may get offended by things i say because we are all humans and as much as i try to channel my journalistic instincts and be objective (and punctuate correctly), i think it's fair to be a bit biased and less rigid sometimes because...err...again, it's MY BLOG?

understand this too. anyone can have their two cents worth and disagree or agree. but the right place to do it is at the "comments" section or in the tagboard. if there is something you read that you don't like, or is unhappy about or disagree, there are 2 ways of doing it. 1. the matured way of diplomatic writing in your unhappiness and comment/tag. 2. if you wanna push it, you can ALSO slam me in the comments/tag and allow me (or my friends) to slam you back.

BUT i really cannot stand it when you wanna be all secretive about it, and then think too much about what i write, and WORST of all, blabber about things i write, adding in your dash of spices. and...and...and...speculate about who or what i might be writing about.

i usually don't have a hidden agenda because i really don't know for sure who reads my blog, aside from stef and shirley of course.

think about it lah. i don't mention names, nor hint, unless it's crappy stuff like who i went out with and did what things. i simply state situations and phenomenons that i don't like. for example, my last post. it's a phenomenon i can't stand, not anyone in particular that i can't stand. i don't make up stories about people, or spread rumours, or speculate about other people. if i don't like u...trust me, i will let you know in your face instead of hinting it here. i prefer to be active than passive about it. so what i write, it's either facts, or information about me, or just my thoughts.

can't people just read and comment instead of being all sneaky about it and think the worls revolves around them? i don't know who they are and i don't intend to waste my time to find out. so whoeever is making a big deal out of what i write and tattling, you must really think you are a big deal. or else why are you so bothered about what i write?

there isn't a need for me to explain myself, so i'm done with this shit. if there are really people who think i'm so good at being cryptic, well, wake up and smell and frangipannis. maybe then, they'll see the BIG picture.

HA!

Of Differences and Frivolousness

for starters, i'm not feeling too good. a mixture of cramps, stomachache, diarrhoea, nausea, headache and...i just bumped by head. bleah!

i'm gonna write about this chat i had with a friend. since my circle of friends is pretty small, i'm gonna make her anonymous lah, for safety and privacy reasons.

anyway, we were chatting about guys (what else can 2 girls chat about?) and she was talking to me about her neither-here-nor-there-guy. somehow, they know the passwords to each other's friendster and they read each other's handphone messages too. so she found out he's been adding a whole lot of girls into his friendster and asking girls to msn him and such. obviously, she isn't too happy about it. she's not lacking in suitors and many guys have asked to be added as her friends, but she's like me lah. she just keeps those guys in the inbox for ego sake and don't reply them.

i realised that guys are...just like that. it's not enough to fill your own ego. you have to let the whole world know you have the abilities to sweep girls off their feet. that's the difference between men and women.
another difference, also came up during the conversation, was that they have a totally diferent perspective towards words. like things they say or write. for example, she got totally pissed off when he told another girl that he miss her too. apparently, for guys, they can say the same thing to different people because the words are the same, but the feeling and emotions attached to it is different.

so what do we girls call this? we call it "leading them/us on".

i mean, it's the Age of the Internet. people don't talk face to face anymore. it's all msn, private messages and sms. so let's just put talking face-to-face aside and look at the connotations of words in general.

"i miss u (too)..."

what does this mean? if you say it to your family? if you say it to your bf/gf? if you say it to a friend of the same sex? if you say it to a friend of the opposite sex? to a platonic friend? to someone you know who likes you? to someone you admire? to someone whom you know looks up to you?

let's look at it this way. there are 2 issues here:

1. whomever you say/write/msg the words to, there are always gonna be two or more ways to looking at it. it's not like you'll explain what the words mean in your point of view like..."i miss u too...but not that kinda miss...more like i miss talking to a friend like you or not seeing a good friend like you." nope...you'' just say "i miss u too" and assume people get it.

2. well, people don't get it. because words are words. they don't come with emotions. and everyone views each other differently or have different ideas about people. especially if they THINK they know you simply cause they have your friendster, or msn, or email, or mobile number.so you may be saying the words is as platonic as you probably can get, but guess what when it becomes to someone who yearns to hear something like that. "OH!!! he misses me too! he must like me!"

BOOOOOOOOONK!!!

anyway, that's what i was trying to tell her. that men and women are just different. to them, it's all about the ego. who care's what i say as long as i don't mean it. to us, it's about responsibility of our actions. if you can say the same thing to so many people, then how much of it is true when you say it to me?

but i can understand how she feels. and i also understand the guy's point of view. understanding it doesn't mean we agree...but what to do? it's just different. we have to deal with it, learn to manage the differences and hope for the best.

there is just ONE more thing that i have to get it off my chest though.

i don't understand how some girls can be just as frivolous as guys. how do you make yourself say/write/msg things like "i miss u" or "hope u'll miss me too" or "dun miss me" or "i know u'll miss me!" or "love u" (in various other forms and similar syntax) to guys who are:1. not family.2. not boyfriend(s).3. not a childhood friend whom you've grown up with.

i dunno if i'm being conservative about it, because i don't say such things to anyone close. even my gal pals and closest platonic guy friends. i don't tell them i miss them. i dun msg them such stuff, either on msn or friendster or sms. coz i think words can get so misleading and give people so many wrong ideas. why take the chance to cause a misunderstanding?

so i really don't get how girls can just throw themselves at guys and hope by some chance:

1. if he doesn't have a gf, he might just...-giggle-...fall for you???

2. if he does have a gf, he'll dump her and might just...(again)...fall for you???

3. even if he has or doesn't have a gf, he might just...(drum roll pls)...fall for you???

WOMAN! have some dignity and integrity!

it's really bad karma lor. i dunno how many people believe in karma, but i really do. so it's because of this karma business that i haven't gone up to people like that, scream at them (like "you f***ing biatch! stop being a slutty cow and go find some grass to chew on!") and then, in tommy's words, BA ni liang ba ah!

it's a tempting thought though. haha...

it has only been 1 week into 2007! it seems like forever already...

i just realised that i'm a pretty forward-looking person. i don't like to dwell on the past, especially if it's anything negative or sad or such. so i don't remember grudges, and i tend not to remember the bad stuff.

no...it's not disillusionment or hiding from reality. i just...don't remember much. and i don't really like to keep thinking about how things have happened and keep reminding myself or asking myself why or how or what. that's why i don't read my diary entries of the past until maybe a year or 2 later. so i can laugh it off and think, "that's pretty dumb..." like i remember having this major cold war with a senior in primary school. but i don't remember who it is or what. so if i see her today, i probably won't recognise her or remember that i once hated her to the core, for all of a few weeks. ha!

i guess it's just unhealthy and unfruitful to dwell on the past. when problems come up in my life, i like to just settle it as soon as i can prepare myself to handle it. if i can settle it today, then i will. i'm not the kind who can slowly sit down and plan, but i don't like to be too organised about it either. i think timing is important...there's a little reminder angel in my head that tells me, "now is the time!". i kinda like this little angel...she's often right.

well...i tried. i don't try to change people or the way they think. i just hope for some reflection and looking at matters retrospectively. that's enough i guess. because i can insist with all the might and strength that i have, but if others think i am what i think i am not, there is just no way out of this maze, is there???

anyway, about my week. work has started but it's been a bit slow. i've been trying to clear last year's shit and work towards the coming year. this year, i feel, will be slightly uncertain. but still, it's a good vibe i'm feeling. so that's good i guess.

watched fast food nation with jeremy on saturday night. i was slightly put off by the images, but i doubt it'll put me off fast food, or patties for long. hehe...i doubt it'll put him off the big macs for long anyway.

sunday dinner was supposed to be a surprise for jeremy. kinda to wish him luck and success in his new career as an SIA cabin crew. he thought it was dinner for 2 only, BUT it wasn't! in the end, the surprise didn't happen because of some miscommunication and unexpected situations. duh...still...SURPRISE! the bunch of us went to IKOI at miramar for jap buffet. i thought the food was ok, but i think the rest felt the one at the other place was better. ah well...i didn't know about the other restaurant. next time then. we went vivocity later to get his tie and we all met for coffee at starbucks. chatted away till it was closing...and we went home.

i had a craving for DAISO shopping and steamboat. so when there's steamboat, who do i call? KITE! hahaha...we headed to DAISO first to splurge (ok...i splurged), then we headed down to tian tian for steamboat. that's 2 days of steamboat for her. haha...it was good just slurping hot soup and pigging out. after that, we met kerry, lili and mark at the mrt station to go home (don't ask me why...i still don't get it...hahaha)

so yes...that's my week for you. i hope i have more things to blog about in the coming weeks because if i thought i had no life then, i think i'd have negative life from now on.

sigh...i always wanted more time on my hands...guess it's just not having more time alone lah.

bahhh~~~

My 1st post of 2007!

YEAR 2007!

my first 3 days of 2007 was spent resting and re-charging myself. i've been pretty tired and lethargic for a couple of months, so i asked for a couple of days off to rest and re-charge myself for the new year. plus, our dear tommy is going for reservist next week, which means i'll be going crazy for 10 days! well...looking forward to CNY already. hahaha...

didn't do much really. watched movie on monday...BORAT. actually, i think it's pretty crap. it wasn't really as hilarious as i thought it would be. maybe i put too much expectations on the movie. besides watching movie, most of what i did the rest of the 2 days is watch TV and eat.

for the record, i cooked my butter garlic salmon for dinner yesterday, after much bugging from my sis. i'm cooking deng nang food (chinese dishes) for dinner today. yeah...i love to cook, and i think i can do that pretty well. i just HATE cleaning up. i was quite tempted to write down a list of all the different food i can cook. it'll be useful if i ever have a chance to open a cafe or food outlet. but then, i was watching star wars and i got lazy. haha...

it's back to work tomorrow. A new year, and a brand new me to start off. i guess the last year was really tough in the way that it was filled with extreme ups and downs. many people came into my life, did loads of stuff that i would probably never do again. also experienced many things that would force me to grow up and in retrospect, those experienced were probably good for me. it's about time lah, i guess.

i just hope 2007 would be a great one for everyone.

alrightey then. shall make my way to causeway point to get some food and NAI CHA!!!