Looking back at 148.

i just realised that this would be my 148th post for this blog.

yes, there is another blog but most of it is private.

so anyway, i went to look back at the list of posts i have had since June last year. i just looked at the list...scanned through the titles and felt the highs and lows of the year and a half or so.

i didn't really want to (dare to) open up the old posts and take a look at them.

i think, i'm still not prepared to do that.

just like i have been writing in my diary, but not reading it. i just flip as fast as my fingers can bring me to the freshest new page.

i kinda remember what i wrote without looking at the whole entry per se. just the title was sufficient.

but you know what.

sometimes i just feel like blabbering it all out.

like...naming NAMES.

telling EVERYONE who are all the bitches and sluts and assholes and fuckers whom i tactfully did not name in all the previous posts...or that i do not even talk about.

boy, if i really did that, can you imagine how the world will look at them?

can u imagine just how devastating it would be to let others know what exactly happened? or what was the REAL story or really dig deep into how pathetic these people are? or even how stupid?

do i not care about my image THAT MUCH to do that?

to be honest, no. i don't really care of my image. coz i don't think there would be much damage to my rep...though i can't say the same for others. plus...word-of-mouth is usually the FASTEST way to spread information.

the revengeful side of me wants to let the world hear my case.

the karma-reflecting side of me wants to just let nature take its course...in due time.

so how? i play a tug-of-war everyday with myself. do it. don't do it. do it. don't do it. say! don't say! take revenge! don't do anything!



will i do it?

i might.

i can't say i won't.

i don't know what that catalyst would be.

but i can't say i won't.