Let's just pretend

Let's just pretend for a moment that nobody reads this.

Maybe there isn't a need to pretend coz nobody does anyway.

BUT, just for the sake of argument, let's...just pretend.

i'm hungry...i had only 1 ham and cheese sandwich all day and a coffee, and a couple pieces of potato chips.

my heel broke. 1 heel broke. the other heel is indestructible. so i look like i'm limping.

i don't wanna do copious amounts of papers. but they are gonna make me do copious amounts of papers. whyyyyy????????????

i don't like papers. now i have to specialize in writing papers. damn.

blardy neverending story.

it's not the writing that is half as annoying. it's the endless number of people and levels you have to clear before you finally get it cleared. and by the time that happens, you are probably late, screwed, or working on an extension of that paper.

this is why it never ends.

and the laptop shall be my new best friend.

i somehow feel as if my energy is completely sapped out of me.

i wanna go on a break. get away from papers. just lie in bed all day, read a couple of magazines, or a good book.

i don't even have time to go shopping!

and all my shoes are wearing out.

boooo....

i got no time for breakies or lunchies or dinnies anymore.

everyday eat junk food or instant noodles or the like.

so pathetic.

oh, and drink coffee...iced lattes upon iced lattes. even the coffee bean staff knows me by name already.

boohoohoo~~~ waaaah~~~~!!!

my life is OVER!!! OVER!!!!!!!!

Blind, high and dry.

really, really like the song "blind" by lifehouse.

rather poignant.

the song has been playing on repeat mode, and i haven't got sick of it.

the other one is high and dry by radiohead.

funny, coz these two songs are quite different. and they may or may not have bearings on my thoughts or emotions, be it in the past, current or in the future. hehehe...


Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI
never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this timeI never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

High & Dry

Two jumps in a week i bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
Flying on your motorcycle watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror your turning into something you are not
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation you will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces you just sit there wishing you could still make love
There the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
There the ones who'll spit at you, you will be the on screaming out
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Oh it's the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever,ever had
Its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever had has gone away
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry


ANYWAY, i remember blogging singing tips for some songs a while back. was considering if i should do something like that again. suddenly, i've been asked a lot of questions that i take FOREVER to answer. maybe i should write a book. hahahaaaa....or set up another blog just for that. avoid diluting the provoked thoughts expressed in my blog.

the many pains of life.

i've got no inspiration to write, nor have i been inspired to write about anything.

my life is turning into a major routine. this, despite my thursday hip-hop classes with chris that i just started last week. oh yes, and frequent saturday judgings for singout'08. and maybe the odd drinking session(s).

which reminds me..it's been awhile since i play mj!!! wah...i'm so sorry la...sunday's timing was super duper bad. maybe we should revert to the friday night plan. i have nothing much on saturdays anyway. =/

i was just wondering the other day. what if i just quit my job and plunge into singing full-time? haha...it's just a random and very rash thought la. i don't hate my job. it's just those "what-ifs". what if i didn't get swayed into not doing ALL the things i wanted to do? maybe i wouldn't be where i am now, which isn't necessarily a bad place/thing. i'm just wondering. if i pursued a bit harder. if i was more insistent. if i didn't allow some idiot to mess with my head. maybe i would be very different now.

was also thinking about not going out this week. stay at home. only go out if i have to. no drinks. no hanging out and chilling and getting all irritated by whatever may irritate me.

maybe do some healthy stuff for a change. go jog a bit more than last friday's feeble attempt. do some sit-ups and crunches to reach my goal of a toned tummy. i'm developing a mini beer belly. not very nice. eek!

oh, but it sounds like such a pain..................-whines-

waiting...waiting for the world to change

i wake up everyday and switch channel news asia on first thing in the morning. and if i don't get to watch it, i'll check channelnewsasia.com.

i can't wait to see the headlines. to see if MSK has been caught. or dead. or spotted. or SOMETHING besides "the hunt is still on".

yeah, this a****** has caused much pain and misery...especially to my weekend plans. I'm not directly affected, but it's bad enough.

i wonder if his eye twitches or he'll sneeze till his nose fall off, coz i betcha a zillion ppl are cursing at him.

maybe instead of keeping your eye out for someone limping, we should look for someone whose eyes are twitching or who is sneezing perpetually and whose nose is falling off.

bygones.

i've been trying to cut down on the drinking. actually, i'm not too sure if i'm subconsciously or consciously doing it. i was super duper lethargic on fri and sat night. fri was just weird coz we went wala's early and had a nice seat but the band was...not quite right for the ambience there. it wasn't a bad band...it was rather nice, classic. just not right for the mood. after 2 beers, we went coffee bean and had tea...and then went home coz i got tired. that was maybe, before 1am? early on all accounts.

sat...i had a bit of a headache but i couldn't abandon kai, so i went along. went clarke quay...MAD crowd. left. went timbre. MAD queue...but damn good band. dammit. suay. walked to barstop. i was whining all the way but kai tried to distract me by talking about ghosts/vampires and nightmares...and kept on telling me it's just "there". biangz.

good thing was that barstop was empty...but my headache got worse la. (p/s: i like their wine cooler, very very light). we left after melvin and kai finished the bucket of tuborg. i had ONE drink. only ONE drink. and we left...around 1am. again, early on all accounts.

and yesterday night, i had ONE hoegaarden at home. just ONE. partly coz my regular sunday night date was not available.

so yes, i don't know if i'm consciously not drinking too much or i just didn't feel like it.

we'll see how this week goes. then i'll make a more accurate assessment of my drinking status.

but i'm NOT an alcoholic.

something is wrong with the air-con in my office. off...on...off...on...MAKE UP YOUR BLARDY MIND LA!!!!

eh, i'm really sorry if i'm completely random recently. you must believe that i DO think about what i want to write, most of the time. it's just that i currently don't see the point of transiting from one idea to the next too beautifully or seamlessly. too tedious. my mind is getting lazy. i can't even be bothered to use big words and flowery language. to the point.

current fav song of the moment:

so fathers be good to your daughters
daughters will love like you do
and girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too


and since we are doing john mayer...

i'm waiting...(waiting)...waiting for the world to change~

itchy

i wake up every morning wishing i slept earlier the night before. so i won't feel tired, and i don't have to take a cab to work (most of the time).

and i end up sleeping late every single night.

well, at least now i don't count how many hours i sleep. i just sleep when i feel like, and wake up...usually late.

i used to count the number of hours of sleep i'll get the next day. and if it's less than 8 hrs, i used to feel tired the entire day.

guess this explains why i sleep on my way to work everyday, bus or cab, rain or shine.

and i always get sooooo tired after work, so i end up napping on my way home (or wherever i'm going).

i was using 3 screens simultaneously at work today. 2 desktop and 1 laptop. ha ha ha...how do i do it? i don't know man.

happy thoughts...may get to make my first overseas business trip this year. *cross fingers*

do you type your post, then give it a title? or do you think of a title, before you type the post?

like chicken-and-egg decision.

for me, it depends. i tend to have a theme for all my blog posts, and i deliberate the entire day before i finally type it out. ok, maybe not entire day, but enough to consolidate my thoughts and consider how best for me to make a point through a seamless transition. most of the actual words come as i type though.

yah...i put quite some thought in my posts.

even in this super random one.

anyway, back to the question. this entry...the title came after.

so as of now...as i'm typing, i still dunno wat title to give it.

maybe i'll just title it "itchy".

does the word "itchy" make you feel like scratching yourself?

or have u scratched already?

haha...

10 things - thanks to joyce!

BAH!~!

i don't even know why i'm so easily swayed into this. i could just ignore, ya know?

but we all are exhibitionists deep inside.

so here it goes.

------------------------------------------------------------
Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little unknown facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little unknown facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged & list their names. No tag backs..

1. i like to fiddle with my hair. it's all about my hair. i will "feel" for damaged hair and attempt to pull it out. if i can't get it out, it will be my mission in life until it's out. and yes...i get some satisfaction from that. i'm obsessed with my hair.

2. i don't go for pedicures. because i feel ashamed of my toenails. plus...i find it gross to touch someone else's feet, so i don't like to have someone touch mine. i feel bad la.

3. i take a dump really fast. REAL fast. it's like go in, dump, wash, get out. (i know this is really unnecessary.)

4. i love my tom yam instant mee from thailand. i always buy 2 boxes back when i'm there...yah...BOXES as in CARTON BOXES. plus, i can eat them everyday, but i scared my hair drop. so i limit to AT LEAST once a week.

5. i HATE to talk on the phone. HATE IT! i just feel very micro-waved after talking on the phone, especially mobile phone. and very gao-weh to talk over the phone. gimme face-to-face any day!

6. i ALWAYS plan my overseas holidays. meaning i always have a list of things to bring...and it will start at least a month before i go. but i don't pack until about a week before, or a day before. haha...coz i'm a bum.

7. i'm very bad with names. i don't remember names easily. i can rem faces better, but it's also pretty bad. i don't know why. i can rem all sorts of crap but i can't rem names and faces.

8. actually. really. anti-social. if and when i'm friendly, i'm actually making a very conscious and concerted effort to do so. i'm actually NOT very sociable coz i'm somewhat of a bitch. well, unless i've been drinking, then i'm EXCEPTIONALLY cordial and friendly and sociable.

9. if i had my own walk-in wardrobe, it'll be quite scary. it's not so much the clothes. it's more the shoes, accessories and the bags. and i make a point to match something everyday. if it's not the clothes and the shoes, then it's the accessories and the bag, or the bag and the shoes. my collection...is somewhat scary.

10. finally...the last one! *phew* ok...i'll be honest. i'm slightly atas and high-maintenance. let's not go into the details la...but it's definitely more than being brand-conscious (i'm not THAT into brands). it's just...i like nice ambience, nice restaurants, nice stuff...and i may come off a bit snotty at times. still, generally kind. i mean, i like animals! that's a sign of being nice right???

ok...i'll be nice and not tag anyone.

=)

see! nice!

Dusting Off

yeeeeeeeeeeaaaah!!!

i'm finally back. i know i know. and i apologize so profusely for being slightly non-existent; only the odd appearance and tag here and there.

work last week. i think i haven't worked so hard in my time here. i did OT everyday, even doing silly things like coming back to office at 6.30pm (knock off supposed to be 5.30pm). and on friday, my branch and i were at work till 11.30pm.

i half enjoy being a busy bee because it makes me feel important. i know how lame and absolutely childish this sounds, but it's true. it's as if the whole world suddenly revolves around you. but i really hated the few nights alone, especially when i had to get out of the office after the sun has gone to bed, and i have crickets and spiders for company on the road down. it makes me feel slightly pathetic. really wished some kind stranger or knight in shiny armour would rescue me from the torturous road down.

but nah...nothing like that happened.

dammit.

oh well, at least i'm glad to report that the final product went quite well. as usual, shit happens, but i think i have quite a high threshold for shit already. so it doesn't feel as shitty anymore. no feeling of failure because i think we did the best we could. at least i know i did.

so i had a kind of celebratory drink on sun.

and tues.

and yesterday was my sis's ROM! yah la...the noisy one is finally mrs ong. good luck to the ong family! i doubt i'll hear less of her anyway. she has her way of making her presence felt. ok...i shall be nicer and try to not do "selective hearing" with her.

congrats mr and mrs ong!

eee...damn funny to say that. MEI MEI AND MEI FU!!! eeeeeeeeeeee.....

anyway, they treated the families (both sides) to dinner at ritz carlton's greenhouse. i like the food there, especially the seafood. we had wine. i ordered bubbly. we drank. i drank more. it was good clean fun for a change. and super weird to see my mum down just 1 small flute of bubbly and exclaim that she is drunk. i'm like...huh?

anyway, another revelation at the dinner table. my lil sis thinks she's a potential alchie. i couldn't agree more.

join the club!!!

so that's sun...tues...wed...and it's THURS already!!!

gonna have some drinks with my colleagues later. we all need to de-stress. hahahaaaa....

meeting stef and shir at wala's tmr. wooooh!! finally, we'll get to hear stef's latest update about her incredibly wonderful love-life! it's about time. she deserves it. and hopefully good stuff from shir...by good, i don't mean THAT kinda stuff, ok shir rabbit??? dat's for you to know and for you to know only. hahahaaaaa...

i have friends who like to give me tooooo much info about their lives. =X

sat seems like a busy and free day all at once. i think i have some plans...but i don't rem what. well, we'll see who catches me first then. i'm up for grabs! faster!!!

sunday, meeting tt, kt, ja and yeok to celebrate yeok's bday! wooo!

sounds like i've got quite a week huh?

yah...i guess so.

well...

Short and sweet

i'm just gonna say the facts and keep this short and sweet.

i'm very exhausted lately coz a lot of things to do at work.

very very very busy at work.

work work work.

i wanna go away for a while after this hurricane of busy-ness is over.

a little while will do.

puh.

NEVER!

yesterday...sunday...10 Feb 08.

The one sunday that i was free from you-know-what.

i woke up at 6.30am (by the whining of louis)...to find an sms. Read it. Muttered "fuck it". Tried to go back to sleep until 7am (the time i set my alarm to).

Tossed...turned...thought...argh...woke up 15mins later.

So what, that i didn't have enough sleep. So what, that my free sunday is technically, not free anymore. So what? I told myself I would enjoy SENTOSA! Not let people ruin it. Not let my efforts, time (free or not), and sleep go to waste.

To be honest...i DID have fun in sentosa. I guess is a way, i glad we cancelled the 2nd part coz it would have been rather disastrous to go on a holiday-sunday with the crowd gathering to see (of all things) flowers. the company, no doubt small, was good company. everybody there was in high spirits and we entertained ourselves very well, despite the small turnout.

thanks joyce, shun, wayne, cordelia, mireen, jasper, yihong, zm, daph, vivian, ah dao and evelyn (even though u came at blardy 12!!!) for making this day, not as bad and seriously fun! (i have videos to prove...wahahahaaa...koong lrooong~)

ok. now the disappointing part.

i got quite disappointed by the turnout.

MORE disappointed at the lack of support, especially the people who "suddenly" couldn't come. (besides adeline...i understand, and at least she had the decency to tell me the day before, not less than 6 hrs before, or even on the day itself. might as well don't tell.)

i think what really got to me was...that the team is made up of people who VOLUNTEERED their time and puts in effort to try and let everyone have some fun. all of us just want to enjoy ourselves. so what that we aren't paid? EVEN SO, we just asked for 2 things.

1. responsibility.

2. commitment.

i seriously question if some of these people who had volunteered to help organise this have any of the two. how can we expect them to "lead" the rest? how can we believe that you really want to help, to give back, and to make the place a better place to be in, blah blah blah?

anyway, i've given my two cents' worth. i think we should deal and get past this.

On a separate note....NEVER!!!



next issue.

i think, i have tried too hard to make things work or to try and make people see some clarity in what they do.

i don't think i can get into their numbskulls.

so i don't want to try anymore.

i don't want to ask, and i don't want to be bothered by it.

they can act dumb, be stupid or totally irrational, selfish or self-centred for all i care.

they can lie, cheat, murder, slaughter, kidnap, eat their own brains (or others') for all i care.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

is it just me or do people become stupid once they hit a certain age? it seems that way to me.

i hope i still have the clarity of mind to do the right thing and uphold my moral values when i hit that age in 3 years' time.

no, seriously.

don't talk to me.

just...save it.

Note to self: Out with the negativity. In with the positivity. Think: karma.energy.life.

nothing comes from nothing

It's 除夕, so I'll wish everyone a Happy Lunar New Year first!! 恭喜恭喜!!

I just returned from spending an entire day (yesterday) at the wonderful island east of Singapore that normal civilians would rarely go. my office had organised something "interesting" for us civilian officers to experience army life. very miniscule part of army life, but a worthwhile and fun experience nevertheless. i had a ton of fun! thanks guys!

thank god we were allowed to go home. i had prepared myself to spend the night there anyway, but i still prefer my wonderful bed. hehehe...

anyway...

i have a few urges.

maybe wanna get away from my comfort zone.

maybe do something totally different.

maybe go far away with no friends/relatives to depend on.

maybe tell people what i really think of them.

maybe fuck people upside down without a care if i'll never see/hear them again.

i guess i've been controlling myself a lot. to keep my distance from things, people...so that it still rather civil...or rather ok.

but nothing comes from nothing. 无风不起浪.

and this is not just about me. i think you cannot fault others for prejudices, "misunderstandings" or judgments sometimes...because if there was nothing, then there would be none of it.

tension.

magnetism.

lingering thoughts.

connection.

la la la la la~~~

(i'm randomly writing...about 3-4 things all at the same time...so quite incoherent. haha)