OH MY GOD!

I think it's gonna be the first time i'm saying this and i have a strong feeling this is only every gonna happen once in my entire life (unless by some miracle it happens again...).

I think my dad really understands me!!!

Anyway, let me just side-track a bit and digress (as usual).

This week was one hell of a week! I did a spa perm on monday, thanks to my uncle Jason, WHO IS THE DIRECTOR OF CHOICES THE SALON AT CENTREPOINT LEVEL 4!!! There! i did my credits and advertising duties already. he's been really great, doing my hair since i was a little girl and most of the time, my hair comes out good. i really like the perm, though it's a bit messy now. anyway, monday was hell partly cause i had to go for a meeting and rehearsal.

bad news part 1: i din do well for the singing competition, but let's not even go there. my votes weren't even close, and my song choice wasn't the best...so add the 2 elements together, you get a concoction for disaster at a singing competition held at a pub!

but i don't really mind. it was fun for as long as it last. just remind me never to join a competition that requires voting. i was never miss popular, and still isn't. it's just a slaughter-house for me. bleah!

oh yes...then there was chalet. that's another whole rollercoaster ride by itself...but before i say more, i'll go back to my original topic.

I think my dad really understands me!!!!

i can't say it enough. i mean, i can probably count with 1 hand how many people in my life really knows what i want and understand it. 2 of which is stef and shirley...and i think i can finally add 1 family member in...and it's surprisingly my dad.

no offence to anyone, friends or non-friends, but i really think so. you may think you understand someone well enough because of blood relations, or close-ness or whatever relationship it is. but it doesn't work that way. i've been trying to tell people to back off in recent weeks or days, not because i don't trust or don't care. i know people care about me or are concern, but i really believe that there is a kind of concern that is reserved only for a special few and this kind of concern is matured and non-pressurizing.

this is what i believe in:

words have so many meanings and one thing can be mis-construed in so many way. words can heal and can also hurt. sometimes, things that you say, which you think are said out of concern for others, can actually hurt more than you know. especially when it involves spreading of information. each time it travels from one mouth to another, it may get twisted with your own emotions or it may eventually sound far worse than it is. that's gossiping. and gossiping isn't good, positive energy in ALL accounts.

i'm sure everyone has done their bit of gossiping one way or another. maybe i'm part of a gossip speculating around also. in fact, i'm quite sure i am. i guess it comes with not telling people too much things about my personal life. i mean, even my parents don't hear much about me and my life.

why? because every little thing i tell them eventually comes back to haunt me. it's like the "i told you so" or "see lah see lah!".

and i think i started shielding myself from all these things since years back. i think when i reach a certain age, i should be given the freedom to make my own decisions and face my own consequences. i don't think i'm stupid. maybe some decisions i make are based on my own intuitions and feelings, maybe head over heart, or maybe heart over head. but whatever it is, i really want to be responsible for my own actions. it makes me really upset when people think i cannot handle myself or i am incapable of taking care of myself. once again...i am NOT stupid. i am human. i get happy, i get sat, i get angry or frustrated too...and that may cause me to lose sleep or appetite or my zest in life for a while. it won't KILL me!

which is why i guard my privacy so zealously. i mean, of course i hope to let people know when i am happy and share my thoughts, but it has come to a point where maybe it's just not advisable to do so.

at the end of the day, i really thank and appreciate all the people who have showed concern over me and tried to keep me company or make my happy.

but happiness is short-lived if i cannot find my own happiness, my own way, even if the way may be filled with lots of disappointments and sadness and anger. but if through those miserable times, i can still find happiness, i think people should be happy for me.

which comes back to my dad. he told me something yesterday that made me smile and made me really appreciate him. i really felt that he supported me and understood me without having to do anything in particular FOR me or be around me physically or even have to listen to me.

Just like stef and shir. They never judge me. they don't say things about me. they really listen and support me in my decisions, no matter good or bad. and i do the same for them. we may disagree on each others' decisions or choices, but we give each other the benefit of the doubt, and trust that we will make OUR OWN decisions, live by the consequences, and survive the highs and lows.

so thank you dears. i miss you 2 really really badly, but i'm really glad and relieved to have known the two of you. don't worry. i'm fine. will email you soon to update you!

and i wanna thanks my dad too...for telling me "don't tell her too much!"

heehee...