there are just days that pass and you keep thinking if whatever you have done in your life is exactly what you want. then, there are also days that pass and you wonder if life is good or not?

i have been having quite a bit of free time lately. i really don't know if that's good or bad.

there is an ominous feel to it though. somehow, i have a slight hunch that something is gonna go wrong, or something bad is gonna happen. bad to me? bad to the people i love? or just something generally bad? don't know...but it isn't a good feeling that's for sure.

and i don't like this feeling. it haunts me somehow. i feel tension, so much so i get kinda restless and yet, kinda on-the-edge.

i hope i'm wrong. i keep telling myself that i'm just being over-sensitive and psycho-ing myself out too much.

but anyway, i will do something i often do right now.

DIGRESS.

i dug out my Meteor Garden VCD coz i just had a sudden urge to catch it all over again. if i complete the whole series (i'm at episode 4 now), it'll be my 11th time. yeah...i'm a sucker for idol dramas and in particular, fairytale romance. i sometimes wish my life was a bit of a drama, so i can write it into a script and see it being acted out. that'll be fun. but i dun think my life is interesting or DRAMA enough to be written into a script.

come to think of it, if people really knew the full story of my life thus far (and i mean, every single thing), it would make a really good drama production.

how would i describe the story? it would be one story of true friendship, pursuing passion, secrets, sacrifices, and of course, like all true drama should have, the journey of love.

haha...

you know, the say that most scorpios live mysteriously. that's so true. i sometimes think i have a double life...maybe even triple life. my mum thinks i should go be a spy coz i'm so secretive, and i keep a secret well. haha...she's been saying that since i was a tween.

no, but seriously, it's not healthy to keep too many secrets. i know that, but somehow, it's inherent in me. plus, these are circumstances that i've signed up for.

oh well...there are things i can control, and some things i just can't control.

cross my fingers and hope for the best.