i promised evelyn that i'll try to write something more...meaningful. more inspired. so i'll try.
(recently too busy to write, even when i had the inspiration to do so.)
i wrote this entry some time last year..."Of Differences and Frivolousness". i just want to revisit this topic again, because i've seen toooo many things happening these days.
i think there are a few things that i can never get used to.
1. false hope
i think it's just terrible to give others false hope. lift people's expectations or lead them into something that you (or them) are not prepared to go into. it's just as bad to give yourself false hope. you have this nagging feeling in you, your sixth sense perhaps, that tells you something is wrong. but you won't hear anything of it. you shrug it off, and give yourself hope that it won't be like that...false hope.
2. half-truths
i feel horrible enough when i tell half-truths. so i don't understand how people can lead their lives in half-truths. they don't lie. they just don't tell you the whole truth. afraid of hurting others, they say. but they don't know each half-truths they say is just digging the dagger into your heart a bit more...and a bit more. eventually, when too many half-truths pile up...it was just ONE BIG GIANT LIE. you just didn't see it coming...or did you?
3. excuses
why do people keep sinking into their problems...and each time it just gets deeper and deeper? cause you give excuses. excuses for yourself...and excuses for others. there is always a good reason why he/she said this, did that. yah right...sure. we will see how many excuses you can give/accept before you wake up from this foolishness.
4. indecisiveness
and then, there is this perpetual problem, especially with guys. sometimes they simply CANNOT decide what they want. or do they want everything? maybe they DON'T WANT to decide, because making a decision means they have to be responsible for it. sometimes i think maybe some people just don't have moral values. don't you think it's rather selfish to be so indecisive? how many people do you want to hurt; how many relationships do you want to sever, before you realised that if you keep doing that, all you are gonna be is end up as a miserable, lonely, old person with nobody who really loves you for who you are. i don't know if you would even love yourself.
5. cowardice.
oh...and at the end of the day...this is the crux of it, isn't it? you've been a coward. that's why you make excuses for your lack of values. that's why you tell half-truths. that's why you selfishly give people false hope. that's why you are so indecisive. because you don't dare to take responsibility. you aren't even honest with yourself, much less others. you don't even dare face up to your mistakes. the worst kind of cowardice is when one makes a mistake, and makes the same mistakes again, and again, and again. it's just as bad if you see people make the mistake, and you still do the same shit. actually, it's not just that then. it's being stubborn, and incredibly stupid.
maybe it's hard to break away from something/someone that one is familiar with. i understand that. i just don't see how morals and values, and direction in life can change so drastically. and it's not as if you are completely blind to it. there is selective hearing. i suppose then, there's such a thing as selective thinking too. you just don't want to think about it.
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i apologize if i haven't been exactly courteous, but i don't believe in mincing my words. i need to drum this in to those who are disillusioned, and more so into those who still think it's ok to do all of the above.
it's not cool.
and fuck...if it means i have to tell it to you in the face and risk severing all ties/friendship/relationship with you, then hell, i'll do it.
it's not being overzealous, or presumptuous.
i just...don't want to be around people who spirals downwards, get sucked into a vicious cycle...and then bring others down with them.
i don't care if you know it or not (you probably do).
i'm just not prepared to be part of this cycle...again.
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