10 things - thanks to joyce!

BAH!~!

i don't even know why i'm so easily swayed into this. i could just ignore, ya know?

but we all are exhibitionists deep inside.

so here it goes.

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Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little unknown facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little unknown facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged & list their names. No tag backs..

1. i like to fiddle with my hair. it's all about my hair. i will "feel" for damaged hair and attempt to pull it out. if i can't get it out, it will be my mission in life until it's out. and yes...i get some satisfaction from that. i'm obsessed with my hair.

2. i don't go for pedicures. because i feel ashamed of my toenails. plus...i find it gross to touch someone else's feet, so i don't like to have someone touch mine. i feel bad la.

3. i take a dump really fast. REAL fast. it's like go in, dump, wash, get out. (i know this is really unnecessary.)

4. i love my tom yam instant mee from thailand. i always buy 2 boxes back when i'm there...yah...BOXES as in CARTON BOXES. plus, i can eat them everyday, but i scared my hair drop. so i limit to AT LEAST once a week.

5. i HATE to talk on the phone. HATE IT! i just feel very micro-waved after talking on the phone, especially mobile phone. and very gao-weh to talk over the phone. gimme face-to-face any day!

6. i ALWAYS plan my overseas holidays. meaning i always have a list of things to bring...and it will start at least a month before i go. but i don't pack until about a week before, or a day before. haha...coz i'm a bum.

7. i'm very bad with names. i don't remember names easily. i can rem faces better, but it's also pretty bad. i don't know why. i can rem all sorts of crap but i can't rem names and faces.

8. actually. really. anti-social. if and when i'm friendly, i'm actually making a very conscious and concerted effort to do so. i'm actually NOT very sociable coz i'm somewhat of a bitch. well, unless i've been drinking, then i'm EXCEPTIONALLY cordial and friendly and sociable.

9. if i had my own walk-in wardrobe, it'll be quite scary. it's not so much the clothes. it's more the shoes, accessories and the bags. and i make a point to match something everyday. if it's not the clothes and the shoes, then it's the accessories and the bag, or the bag and the shoes. my collection...is somewhat scary.

10. finally...the last one! *phew* ok...i'll be honest. i'm slightly atas and high-maintenance. let's not go into the details la...but it's definitely more than being brand-conscious (i'm not THAT into brands). it's just...i like nice ambience, nice restaurants, nice stuff...and i may come off a bit snotty at times. still, generally kind. i mean, i like animals! that's a sign of being nice right???

ok...i'll be nice and not tag anyone.

=)

see! nice!

Dusting Off

yeeeeeeeeeeaaaah!!!

i'm finally back. i know i know. and i apologize so profusely for being slightly non-existent; only the odd appearance and tag here and there.

work last week. i think i haven't worked so hard in my time here. i did OT everyday, even doing silly things like coming back to office at 6.30pm (knock off supposed to be 5.30pm). and on friday, my branch and i were at work till 11.30pm.

i half enjoy being a busy bee because it makes me feel important. i know how lame and absolutely childish this sounds, but it's true. it's as if the whole world suddenly revolves around you. but i really hated the few nights alone, especially when i had to get out of the office after the sun has gone to bed, and i have crickets and spiders for company on the road down. it makes me feel slightly pathetic. really wished some kind stranger or knight in shiny armour would rescue me from the torturous road down.

but nah...nothing like that happened.

dammit.

oh well, at least i'm glad to report that the final product went quite well. as usual, shit happens, but i think i have quite a high threshold for shit already. so it doesn't feel as shitty anymore. no feeling of failure because i think we did the best we could. at least i know i did.

so i had a kind of celebratory drink on sun.

and tues.

and yesterday was my sis's ROM! yah la...the noisy one is finally mrs ong. good luck to the ong family! i doubt i'll hear less of her anyway. she has her way of making her presence felt. ok...i shall be nicer and try to not do "selective hearing" with her.

congrats mr and mrs ong!

eee...damn funny to say that. MEI MEI AND MEI FU!!! eeeeeeeeeeee.....

anyway, they treated the families (both sides) to dinner at ritz carlton's greenhouse. i like the food there, especially the seafood. we had wine. i ordered bubbly. we drank. i drank more. it was good clean fun for a change. and super weird to see my mum down just 1 small flute of bubbly and exclaim that she is drunk. i'm like...huh?

anyway, another revelation at the dinner table. my lil sis thinks she's a potential alchie. i couldn't agree more.

join the club!!!

so that's sun...tues...wed...and it's THURS already!!!

gonna have some drinks with my colleagues later. we all need to de-stress. hahahaaaa....

meeting stef and shir at wala's tmr. wooooh!! finally, we'll get to hear stef's latest update about her incredibly wonderful love-life! it's about time. she deserves it. and hopefully good stuff from shir...by good, i don't mean THAT kinda stuff, ok shir rabbit??? dat's for you to know and for you to know only. hahahaaaaa...

i have friends who like to give me tooooo much info about their lives. =X

sat seems like a busy and free day all at once. i think i have some plans...but i don't rem what. well, we'll see who catches me first then. i'm up for grabs! faster!!!

sunday, meeting tt, kt, ja and yeok to celebrate yeok's bday! wooo!

sounds like i've got quite a week huh?

yah...i guess so.

well...

Short and sweet

i'm just gonna say the facts and keep this short and sweet.

i'm very exhausted lately coz a lot of things to do at work.

very very very busy at work.

work work work.

i wanna go away for a while after this hurricane of busy-ness is over.

a little while will do.

puh.

NEVER!

yesterday...sunday...10 Feb 08.

The one sunday that i was free from you-know-what.

i woke up at 6.30am (by the whining of louis)...to find an sms. Read it. Muttered "fuck it". Tried to go back to sleep until 7am (the time i set my alarm to).

Tossed...turned...thought...argh...woke up 15mins later.

So what, that i didn't have enough sleep. So what, that my free sunday is technically, not free anymore. So what? I told myself I would enjoy SENTOSA! Not let people ruin it. Not let my efforts, time (free or not), and sleep go to waste.

To be honest...i DID have fun in sentosa. I guess is a way, i glad we cancelled the 2nd part coz it would have been rather disastrous to go on a holiday-sunday with the crowd gathering to see (of all things) flowers. the company, no doubt small, was good company. everybody there was in high spirits and we entertained ourselves very well, despite the small turnout.

thanks joyce, shun, wayne, cordelia, mireen, jasper, yihong, zm, daph, vivian, ah dao and evelyn (even though u came at blardy 12!!!) for making this day, not as bad and seriously fun! (i have videos to prove...wahahahaaa...koong lrooong~)

ok. now the disappointing part.

i got quite disappointed by the turnout.

MORE disappointed at the lack of support, especially the people who "suddenly" couldn't come. (besides adeline...i understand, and at least she had the decency to tell me the day before, not less than 6 hrs before, or even on the day itself. might as well don't tell.)

i think what really got to me was...that the team is made up of people who VOLUNTEERED their time and puts in effort to try and let everyone have some fun. all of us just want to enjoy ourselves. so what that we aren't paid? EVEN SO, we just asked for 2 things.

1. responsibility.

2. commitment.

i seriously question if some of these people who had volunteered to help organise this have any of the two. how can we expect them to "lead" the rest? how can we believe that you really want to help, to give back, and to make the place a better place to be in, blah blah blah?

anyway, i've given my two cents' worth. i think we should deal and get past this.

On a separate note....NEVER!!!



next issue.

i think, i have tried too hard to make things work or to try and make people see some clarity in what they do.

i don't think i can get into their numbskulls.

so i don't want to try anymore.

i don't want to ask, and i don't want to be bothered by it.

they can act dumb, be stupid or totally irrational, selfish or self-centred for all i care.

they can lie, cheat, murder, slaughter, kidnap, eat their own brains (or others') for all i care.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

is it just me or do people become stupid once they hit a certain age? it seems that way to me.

i hope i still have the clarity of mind to do the right thing and uphold my moral values when i hit that age in 3 years' time.

no, seriously.

don't talk to me.

just...save it.

Note to self: Out with the negativity. In with the positivity. Think: karma.energy.life.

nothing comes from nothing

It's 除夕, so I'll wish everyone a Happy Lunar New Year first!! 恭喜恭喜!!

I just returned from spending an entire day (yesterday) at the wonderful island east of Singapore that normal civilians would rarely go. my office had organised something "interesting" for us civilian officers to experience army life. very miniscule part of army life, but a worthwhile and fun experience nevertheless. i had a ton of fun! thanks guys!

thank god we were allowed to go home. i had prepared myself to spend the night there anyway, but i still prefer my wonderful bed. hehehe...

anyway...

i have a few urges.

maybe wanna get away from my comfort zone.

maybe do something totally different.

maybe go far away with no friends/relatives to depend on.

maybe tell people what i really think of them.

maybe fuck people upside down without a care if i'll never see/hear them again.

i guess i've been controlling myself a lot. to keep my distance from things, people...so that it still rather civil...or rather ok.

but nothing comes from nothing. 无风不起浪.

and this is not just about me. i think you cannot fault others for prejudices, "misunderstandings" or judgments sometimes...because if there was nothing, then there would be none of it.

tension.

magnetism.

lingering thoughts.

connection.

la la la la la~~~

(i'm randomly writing...about 3-4 things all at the same time...so quite incoherent. haha)

The Vicious Cycle...Spiralling Downwards

i promised evelyn that i'll try to write something more...meaningful. more inspired. so i'll try.
(recently too busy to write, even when i had the inspiration to do so.)

i wrote this entry some time last year..."Of Differences and Frivolousness". i just want to revisit this topic again, because i've seen toooo many things happening these days.

i think there are a few things that i can never get used to.

1. false hope
i think it's just terrible to give others false hope. lift people's expectations or lead them into something that you (or them) are not prepared to go into. it's just as bad to give yourself false hope. you have this nagging feeling in you, your sixth sense perhaps, that tells you something is wrong. but you won't hear anything of it. you shrug it off, and give yourself hope that it won't be like that...false hope.

2. half-truths
i feel horrible enough when i tell half-truths. so i don't understand how people can lead their lives in half-truths. they don't lie. they just don't tell you the whole truth. afraid of hurting others, they say. but they don't know each half-truths they say is just digging the dagger into your heart a bit more...and a bit more. eventually, when too many half-truths pile up...it was just ONE BIG GIANT LIE. you just didn't see it coming...or did you?

3. excuses
why do people keep sinking into their problems...and each time it just gets deeper and deeper? cause you give excuses. excuses for yourself...and excuses for others. there is always a good reason why he/she said this, did that. yah right...sure. we will see how many excuses you can give/accept before you wake up from this foolishness.

4. indecisiveness
and then, there is this perpetual problem, especially with guys. sometimes they simply CANNOT decide what they want. or do they want everything? maybe they DON'T WANT to decide, because making a decision means they have to be responsible for it. sometimes i think maybe some people just don't have moral values. don't you think it's rather selfish to be so indecisive? how many people do you want to hurt; how many relationships do you want to sever, before you realised that if you keep doing that, all you are gonna be is end up as a miserable, lonely, old person with nobody who really loves you for who you are. i don't know if you would even love yourself.

5. cowardice.
oh...and at the end of the day...this is the crux of it, isn't it? you've been a coward. that's why you make excuses for your lack of values. that's why you tell half-truths. that's why you selfishly give people false hope. that's why you are so indecisive. because you don't dare to take responsibility. you aren't even honest with yourself, much less others. you don't even dare face up to your mistakes. the worst kind of cowardice is when one makes a mistake, and makes the same mistakes again, and again, and again. it's just as bad if you see people make the mistake, and you still do the same shit. actually, it's not just that then. it's being stubborn, and incredibly stupid.

maybe it's hard to break away from something/someone that one is familiar with. i understand that. i just don't see how morals and values, and direction in life can change so drastically. and it's not as if you are completely blind to it. there is selective hearing. i suppose then, there's such a thing as selective thinking too. you just don't want to think about it.


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i apologize if i haven't been exactly courteous, but i don't believe in mincing my words. i need to drum this in to those who are disillusioned, and more so into those who still think it's ok to do all of the above.

it's not cool.

and fuck...if it means i have to tell it to you in the face and risk severing all ties/friendship/relationship with you, then hell, i'll do it.

it's not being overzealous, or presumptuous.

i just...don't want to be around people who spirals downwards, get sucked into a vicious cycle...and then bring others down with them.

i don't care if you know it or not (you probably do).

i'm just not prepared to be part of this cycle...again.

sucky week, rainy saturday

this has been QUITE a week. very, very, very busy. i suddenly feel very accomplished even though it's been a hellish week at work. run here, run there, go to meetings, come back, rush papers, re-do papers, check and reply emails, more emails, more emails.

i think yesterday was the epitome of it all. before i came to work, i already had 5 things on my urgent to-do-list. on my way to work, kena another task. i had meetings at 11am and 1.30pm. So essentially, I had 3 hours to complete all of them. I can proudly say, "i did it!". ok...got 1 still needs some work, but it's ok...i may do it over the weekend or early monday morning (like 7am??? haha).

anyway, i came back to office from mtg at 5pm, had to meet da big boss. for a paper. not done by me. i'm amazed at how i can go to a mtg with absolutely no or minimal knowledge and come out doing a paper. anyway, dat's what i did. i finished deconstructing and reconstructing it in like...an hour? once again, i feel so accomplished...but i left office at nearly 8pm...and the entire friday, i only had ONE CURRY PUFF.

now u know why i'm so skinny.

nah...it's ok.

i'm undaunted.

in fact, these couple of weeks have been challenging, tiring, but i REALLY gained a lot of confidence and learnt A LOT more stuff. never knew i could juggle like that.

but i think i'm losing my sense of humour in the process.

monday is also gonna be pretty bad. i hope i survive monday...and tuesday too. haha...tuesday, oh tuesday...mozzies galore!




it's raining. louis couldn't go out for doggy walk. milo too. poor things. but i gave louis a bath anyway, coz he's a stinky-poo! hehehee...

sigh...stoned.