the countdown begins...

YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNN!!!!

it was such a boring day spent!

i mean, yeah, it was nice that i got to sleep in late coz it's THE day off. and yeah, i did get to spend time with him. but i was literally rotting away with bad hallmark shows and massive channel surfing while he tried to sleep (coz he has an overnight flight). so there i was...trying to waste away time and chomping on my famous amos i got at tampines mall. his dad drove us to the airport and we had dinner and starsmucks. he needed the pick-me-up. haha...

and then i got so bored, i went to the cold storage at the airport and bought cup noodles (yeah, i know, normal supermarkets also have the same cup noodles). took the direct bus home...at least i have a direct bus. have a feeling i'll be taking that service pretty often. hrmph...

i must say though, he looks damn good in his uniform! wahahahahahaaaa...(there! i said it!)

countdown 1 begins.

okok...anyway, yesterday i bought a mag with allegra versace on the cover. she's the heiress of the versace empire, daughter of donatella and favourite niece of slained designer gianni versace. yeah...i know my fashion gossips.

ANYWAY...she's suffering from anorexia, and she's like 32 kg now. i used to think she was the luckiest girl in the world coz she was rich and pretty and all...blah blah blah...

in any case, she's thinner than me now and that's pretty scary. it made me think of my weight issues.

i don't have weight issues per se...not the usual ones anyway. i never had a problem like other people who were putting on weight. instead, i had problems PUTTING ON weight.

i'm not anorexic. i'm not bulimic. i just never gained weight easily. from as young as i remembered, i was always small or thin. as i got older, i grew vertically...and that was the ONLY reason why my weight went up. but my bones have always been small, and i've always been skinny. i remember measuring my waist in secondary 4 and it was like 20 inches. if i sucked in my tummy, it was 18.5.

i think i have always been a bit insecure about myself because of my size. i know some people think i must be so lucky that i can eat all i want and never go on diet and how so many people wished they were in my shoes. yeah...in a way, i am lucky that i don't gain weight easily, and have high metabolism and good genes.

what they don't see are the finger pointing, the nasty whispers, bitchy gossips from strangers or passers-by. or how about the inability to get clothes that fit because...well, i am at least an XS or size 00. i can't wear bangles or bracelets without adjusting...and my finger size is a size 6. i never get by a day where someone doesn't ask me how much i weigh or comment how skinny i am or blah blah blah...

frankly, it gets to me sometimes.

most of the time.

so what if i'm 35kg? or 21 inches at my waist or have wrists as small as a 3 year old? i'm eating well, and i'm healthy. i have never been extremely sick nor have any health problems. i haven't even sprained anything or broken anything before despite being the minor klutz i am. (touch wood!!!) so i shouldn't be judged, right?

right.

but the world is a cruel place. raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar~~~!!!

ok lah...enuff of me and my weight issues.

countdown 2: it's the end of the month soon.

april is coming~~~

i can't wait!