nothing gd is coming out of this...

i remember very clearly writing an entry in my very first blog a couple of years back. i said something like...blog entries are usually depressing by nature coz that's why there is SOMETHING to write about. i mean, happy times are spent being satisfied without having to tell anyone. either that or they are taken for granted. there are the rare times where you wanna tell the whole world something GREAT that happened. but they are rare...

so yeah...they are usually depressing...or sad...or frustrating...

nothing wrong with that really.

coz the world is a sad sad place sometimes.

other times...it's just UNFAIR (quoting tony: shi jie shi bu gong ping de...)

i know not everything is gonna go my way...coz dat's life (again...it's unfair). since there is nothing i can really do about it, the least i can do is list out what i want...what i really really want (or wish lah).

Nana's Wish List

1. that work is work. anything else after working hours or the hours that i'm NOT in school...is not work anymore.period.
2. just 1 day. all i need is 1 day to rest and not have to do ANYTHING i don't want to. no obligations...no responsibilities...no worries...
3. that i can buy groceries, toiletries, necessities of the best quality...or at least of a good quality as per my subjective view, without having to worry if it's gonna burst my budget for the month. no-frills stuff can be annoyingly bad...and unsatisfying.
4. that nobody will hate me...dislike me...be annoyed with me...pissed with me, so that i won't hate, dislike, be annoyed, be pissed, be irritated. it's a vicious cycle.
5. that my room can remain sparkling clean and dust-free after nearly 5 hours of tedious cleaning up...at least for 2 weeks???
6. that i can bury my phone so i don't have to sms or talk on the phone. if i had the power, i would destroy all phones in the world. why do we have to talk on the phone anyway?
7. if only i could channel all my suppressed anger to something good, rather than just vent at people and become easily aggitated...which is what i always do. where is all this anger coming from???
8. i don't want to be a hypocrite. i don't like hiding either.
9. that my air-con is repaired...so i can feel slightly better about my life.
10. i really wish i exist.

2am thoughts...

aiyoh...

i know...i should be sleeping already. there's work tomorrow...then there's a performance at night, albeit a very short one. i look like a wreck...

it's just that i haven't had the easiest time in the past few months. especially since the single. i don't know if it's being paranoid or being hard on myself. it's just that i tell myself i'll do the best i can, which i really try to. somehow, i never think that's enough. i mean, i've been bitched about before. it's nothing really. people just like to bitch about things. so do i. so i thought i can take anything...like ANYTHING!

i guess it's different when i'm being judged inaccurately. someone tells you this...and some others feel something else. so i become really skeptical. how do i know who is speaking from their heart? maybe they say something but mean something else?

bah...it's so silly to think like that. the reason why i'm lamenting now is coz i THOT i am quite thickskinned...and i can take any kind of bulls***. (Keeping a PG rating here...oops...said "bitch" already) but i guess i can still feel sucky when people say mean things and go ALL out to show it.

nah...but dat's not the point of this whole thing.

the whole point is i really don't like being accused of doing things i didn't do. and frankly, i want to say it to the whole world, prove my point and do things my way. BUT that's not the way the world works.

SOOOO...i'll just shut up, nod my head, and just get on with life.

aunty sandy's pesto pasta~~~

i haven't been able to get it off my mind...

aunty sandy's seafood pesto spaghetti.

it's been almost 2 weeks and still...my thoughts lingered around it.

and so, with determination and a slightly good culinary memory...i decided to try it for the first time today.

AUNTY SANDY'S RECIPE for SEAFOOD PESTO SPAGHETTI!

nah, i'm not gonna reveal her secret receipe. coz she runs a food business...it's not nice u know. i'm just lucky i was one of the few people who saw her doing the meal...and i can remember when it comes to cooking. heeheehee...

so anyway, i cooked dinner for my family. i'm proud to say...it was a SUCCESS!!!!

my mum especially loved it coz she doesn't like those normal tomata-base sauces. this one suited her perfectly...partly coz i gave her lots of prawns (her fav!).

so yes!!!! i did it!!! yay~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyone wanna try?

and moving ahead...

ah! sweaty and satisfied right now.

no no no...this post is PG still...i just ate a wonderful, hot meal that i cooked for my family. ahhh...nice chicken stew....yumz....

anyway, i haven't had the time to post any pics up nor write coz it's been a very very very turbulent few days. turbulent in the sense that there has been many changes...some good, some bad...a lot of emotions going up and down like a see saw (partly coz it's the time of the month), work has been piling while i clear while it piles while i clear (u get the picture), plus i've been doing a lot of thinking.

think about my career path, my future, my growth as a person, managing my life and my money...and i suppose, helping others to do the same.

it helps i've had people to talk to about such stuff. it can be so boring and bland to think on your own. of course at the end of the day, the decisions are still mine to make.

i guess it's ok. i'm barely turning 24. i have so many things ahead of me. and i do have a plan. as much as i like to take a day at a time and not really fond of planning further than the day ahead, i do have a plan. a vague plan, a flexible plan, but nevertheless, A PLAN.

so anyway, in case people start asking me again this year, no...i wun be joining superstar. why??? i think i'm pretty satisfied with life thus far. so no lah...=)

back to work tomorrow. i hope everything works out for everybody.