let me go on.

actually, i don't feel like elaborating more about the earlier post.

ok loh. then i won't.













but i'm not so boliao to just say that as a follow-up to the last post. so i'll just say...

it was a rough day today.

i think today is just one of those days.

i wish i wasn't alone. and by alone, i dun mean alone at home (coz i'm not alone at home).

it's not the solitude. it's the emptiness solitude brings.

you can be surrounded by a million people and still feel alone. loneliness is not a state of being, it's a state of mind, or i prefer to say it as a state of heart. irrationality takes over. all you wanna do is be with somebody and not give a care in this world.

the pain of something happening is sometimes lesser than the pain of nothing happening.

i'm so caught up in my own emotions because i don't let anyone in.

i don't think anyone knows the true story. in fact, i doubt i know it. is it the mystic of not knowing? or just escapism from knowing? i dun really know what drives this thought process that haunts me.

which makes drowning the sorrows a slightly calculated move. it doesn't mean literally drinking your sorrows away. it just numbs your head and your heart, and remove the walls...the dams...the fort that is protecting yourself. or not.

doesn't matter.

the truth of the matter is, i hang on too much. i hang on to certain little actions, certain little tugs at the heartstrings, certain little words. i don't wanna over-react, but at the same time, i can't help myself from reacting...or acting. and i don't wanna play this entire game of second guessing, either myself or others, again. it's too tiring.

i...don't...know...if anyone can comprehend this.

like i said, it's one of those days.


nana wants to go out and play...party like a rock star...trashed to bits.