This could be my all-time fav song.

听你 听我 张惠妹

你沉沉地睡著,
我静静看著你的容貌.
听你的呼吸,
听你的心跳,
忽然很想告诉你,
谢谢你过去带给我的美好.

人生挫折不少,
你的声音给我很多依靠.
听你谈未来,
听你大声笑,
忽然很想唤醒你,
现在就陪我去山上绕绕.

你是我的宝,
我一直为你感动骄傲.
即使梦想再累再煎熬,
你仍然紧紧抓牢.
真心的执著,
绝不放掉.
你是我的宝,
我一直为你感动骄傲.
外面的世界再多纷扰,
你依旧把单纯拥抱.
生命的旋律,愈唱愈高.

今晚,听我轻轻唱,
我想给你一份爱的力量.
听我为你祈祷,
听我说说话.
我已经打开窗,
准备和你迎接每天的太阳.

Going round and round.

We are prompted with the same issues, same questions and same dilemmas everyday.

Conscience - have we lived the day and ended the day with a clear conscience?
Morals - have we done what is morally right?
Emotions - have we let our emotions flow freely?
Values - have we done all we can to uphold the values that we hold true to our heart?
Honesty - have we been honest with ourselves and honest to others?

Actually, there is nothing to prove. There is nothing to explain.

We all lead a life trying to be as ideal as the world sees it. Yet, we face the same issues and dilemmas as everyone else. There is no perfect solution. We just do the best we can.

And sometimes the best may not be sufficient. Sometimes the best just...doesn't cut it.

But that's what makes us human, isn't it?

We are strong. We are weak. And we are everything in between.

At the end of the day, we can only look back and lament in retrospect of what we could have done better, what we shouldn't have done, etc.

But is lamenting enough?

Or is lamenting even going to help you lead the next day with greater prospect?

Think again.

------------------------------------------------

I love Brothers & Sisters.

dispelling the rumours.

i am NOT partying too much.

in fact, i don't party much.

i only went chilling once on friday at timbre2 and once more yesterday at wala. that is all!

it's not about the alcohol...well, maybe a bit, but what i actually like is listening to 'live' music, just chilling, watch the world go by, people-watch...relak one corner. you know, basically having a good time without actually having to move much.

i didn't use to have this kinda time nor ability to do such stuff. there were...many issues involved. now that i can afford to do it, i'm just going all out and enjoying life. it's so much better than being stuck at home on a saturday night and chatting with 1 person on MSN and randomly surfing facebook and watching tv shows that are lame/repeated/boring...errr...yah.

anyway...

i'm lonely la!!

so of course the basic instinct is to look for company and NOT feel lonely, right? coz misery loves company. u get all the miserable people together and then, maybe you don't feel as miserable. or u dun remember ur misery.

no wait...that would be the alchie talking.

haha...no la...i'm not on the road to self-destruction...yet.

just don't read too much into it.

note to self: don't read too much into it.

it's not working

i went to my happy place today.

all for a grand total of 30mins.

but it's not working.

oh....i don't give a fark...really.

damn the headaches!

wah!!! i can't take it anymore!!!

i don't understand how i can get these headaches and they just WON'T GO AWAY!

it's highly probably that it's due to oversleeping. i dunno why. i can't get used to sleeping more than 10 hours now. anything more than that and i get this huge splitting headache.

so much for taking the day off yesterday huh? now i'm down to 1.5 days only. damn...

okok, just 1 funny incident to report though.

i was asking around for panadol in my office. my colleague was helping me ask la. so he went ard asking, and another of my female colleague asked him if i went drinking?!?!? i'm like...WHAT??? that's my reputation, ladies and gentlemen. i've been relegated to being an alcohol junkie.

but i wasn't!!!

i'm just honest-to-goodness having a headache. a harmless, non-alcohol inducing headache.

although i did want to get a drink yesterday. but my partner-in-crime wasn't available. *pout*

i am SURE alcohol could have reduced the headache...or won't even cause me any.

darling!!! i wan my drink and smoked salmon puhleeease!!! -blink blink-

Lions for Lambs. Cramps for Sleep.

i watched Lions for Lambs yesterday.

I didn't know it was directed by Robert Redford himself. But I'm not surprised. Generally, i think it was a good movie (albeit somewhat sarcastic and a bit of a propaganda, perhaps?). Now I know why it's called Lion for Lambs. I think the title makes a point. A good point at that.

Anyway, Meryl Streep was as usual, BRILLIANT. So was Tom Cruise. And Robert Redford. What can I say? A solid cast and a solid movie and a solid title.

Oh...Stardust was good too...in a different way altogether.

I can't decide which I like better. I think they're just not the same. I've heard mixed reviews for Beowulf...so maybe I'll check that out myself...soon enough.

Anyway...I had a bad night.

Cause very disturbed sleep.

Cramps that never-ended, coupled with my sis and mum having a shouting match in the middle of no-farking-where. Ok, I just wanted to use that term...it was actually in the middle of the night, amidst my disturbed sleep. I was simply too "weak" to shout back at them to cap it. So I just let them have a go at each other until they got tired.

Which accounts for my exhausion and lack of enthusiasm today.



ok...the more i think of the blackberry, the more i wanna get it now. like...NOW. -patience is a virture-

i wan a blackberry.

i figured since i can't use camera phones, i will REFUSE to just settle for any old lousy like pok phone.



hence, i've decided to go all the way out...and get a blackberry.



to be precise...a blackberry 8820.

yup. i should NEVER settle for less. wahahahahaaaaaa...

wait...

i don't know how much it costs.

haiyah...

suan liao la...

AFTER the taiwan trip...then i'll GET MY HANDS ON IT! hiak hiak hiak.

suddenly many many things coming up in december. i feel so busy again.

xmas shopping...writing xmas cards...perhaps, even a xmas party??? hee hee hee...

ahh~~~ i SO want my blackberry now.

fine lines

i hate fine lines.

nobody can see where they are.

until you stepped over them...which by then would be a little damn late.

so i'll just tread carefully then.

damn fine lines.

ah...pui!

took day off today...coz really need some rest. thank god my boss let me. phew!

so i went down to cine to meet shan and xuan for movie at 4.40pm. bratz. all i can say is...it's really to waste time with. hahahaha...SUAN LIAO LA!!! then we walked to taka to waste time while resisting from spending any money. i did. i bought takopachi. but den again, food is never a waste for me. after which, we went pepper lunch for dinner (i know...oxymoron).

i had 2 starbucks vouchers, so we headed to starbucks for coffee and mario kart. wat to do? too much time to waste. our taiwan trip meeting was 10pm. baaaa.....i win. wahahahaaaa...wooh!

then we headed to HK cafe for the meeting. supposed to be 10pm right? we were there at like 9.45...try to get seat ma. end up...they were ALL late, besides the 3 of us la. so we started writing out the itenarary and things to bring etc.

then the next thing, i only have 1 word to describe:

suay.

make that 2 words:

abso-farking-lutely suay.

anyway, i just wanted to make a point.

so since there was an eyesore, plus too many people were coming for the mtg, we decided that the best thing to do was go to BK.

woo...yay...

so we finally had our meeting at like 11pm...baaaa....it was a really short meeting. haha...half an hour ba, most of which was laughing at evelyn's expense. hahaha...but we also gossiped a lot lah.

what to do?? we have many grievances and complaints ma. hahaha...but it was fun la.

"yin wei ni cao kuan (smelly kind)!"

"and you are....????"

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

what a day! i'm glad it's over. AH PUI!

stiff.

i only realised i was stressed after everything was over, and my body was aching from standing stiffly and being on standby throughout the event.

this is my BIGGEST event ever la. the biggest i've emcee-ed for.

but i'm glad it all went well. at least i didn't make a mistake and i could act spontaneously and be on-the-ball.

-phew-

but damn was i tired.

p/s: shangri la has reeeeeeally nice rooms and bathrooms. shuang~~!

trying to keep 'em open.

i don't know why i'm so sleepy.

i slept at 12+ what. dat's earlier than many other days.

i slept for about 7 hours. dat's more than many other days.

then what is making me soooo sleepy?

could it be the weird slacky dreams i've been having the last 2 days? have been dreaming about playing or taking day off or just slacking away. this morning was no different.

or...could be something different that i've been doing? no...not quite different. more like, rekindled certain activities that i haven't done for a while.

it's really tiring.

haha...i know this sounds suggestive. i know it does. hahahahahaaaa...

or maybe it's the drinking. coz when u drink, it knocks u out so fast, u dunno what hit you.

or...it could be i'm on the verge of falling ill? there has been a bug around the office. the bug is on MC today.

i've been coughing since friday. still eating ALL the wrong food. plus an ulcer on my tongue...and still eating all the wrong food.

gotta go shangri-la later for rehearsal...emcee-ing for this major MAJOR meeting. *cross fingers* cannot afford to make any mistakes.

shall take an early night today.

note to self: don't spoil me ah! no more late nights until thurs!!!

shall make it a point?

i've been thinking if i should make it a point to update everyday, if not every other day.

should i?

i'm kinda doing it on whim now. that counts to about twice a week.

but i don't have much things to rant about, or blog about. blogging is just like creative writing. the fact that you show it publicly means you are kinda relating your experiences and opinions and ideas to an audience known or unknown to you. so you need to have some inspiration in your writings. not just regular rants.

and then, there's the expectation of sounding witty or humourous...both equally difficult, if you put it in perspective.

if not, then it's just utter ramblings...aka...crap.

now, who is willing to read crap? no, really.

well, unless your crap has some semblance of gossip, THEN it's a whole new different story.

everybody loves a good gossip. hiak hiak.

now, do i have any good gossip to share??? well.....

and to throw everyone totally off...I BOUGHT JAY'S NEW ALBUM ALREADY!!! wahahahahaaaaaaa~~~wanted to get tanya's and fish's albums too but they were already sold out at my fav CD shop. must wait till it's re-stocked ba. by then, i might have lost interest in the albums. who knows? haha

you know what? i must have been watching all the wrong movies. cause i fell asleep in the midst of the last 3 movies that i watched...namely, balls of fury, pleasure factory and bee movie. i dunno why. ok, maybe i know why for the first 2...alcohol. but bee movie??? dat's a mystery to me.

and on a totally random note, i'm wearing 3.5inch heels today. ouch! channelling my inner Posh. haha...that EXTRA half an inch. wooh! and it's raining...oh my...pray hard i'll be daaaaamn careful.

k la, we'll see how the blogging goes. haha...

A*Mei Star Concert

A*Mei was GREAT! GRRRRRREAAAT!

I enjoyed it soooo much I wish it didn't end. But she did sing back-to-back for a full 3 over hours. no intermission. woah! and as everyone knows, her songs aren't exactly karaoke-"friendly".

Very high ah!!! *high high!*

She sang soooo many songs. All the songs that we love and all the songs that made her recognizable to the layman on the street. And everyone who was there sang along. It was such a wonderful feeling. Really made me wish I had an opportunity some day in my life to perform like her. Just like her.

And her costumes...beautiful! I think they ALL look nice on her. and i love her short bob hair! Just like mine (except mine is growing out of shape...dammit).

No more talking. Let the pics do the talking.

I bought a star earring just for the concert!!! hahaha...

weeee~~~!!!

went oosh last night to have a nice dinner with tt, yeok, kt, jw and roy. the food was goooooood, but i din eat much cause i had a late lunch. and i think i desperately needed a drink, so i had my lychee martini at 7.30pm. hahaha...a bit early i know, but it was a rather bad day.

mushroom soup was gooooooood. caeser salad wasn't too bad either.

then we headed to the main bar for more drinks. opened a bottle of moet. and then i had another cosmo, for kicks. music wasn't too bad. ambience was good. waited for ja and marcus to arrive.

and they got me and TT a cake!!! hahahahaa...omg! it had our faces on it, during our 24th bday last year. and ang baos too...

yah i know, everything i said about my rules had been thrown out. nvm la, it's the thought dat counts!

anyway like i said, it had been a rather bad day, so 3 drinks wasn't doing anything for me. decided to call my usual ASOM out since he was only at holland v. he picked me at at ulu dempsey and we headed over to mohd sultan. ended up at butterfactory where i met a couple of people i knew.

ASOM was good la...he always know how to cheer me up...get another lychee martini. hahahahaha...shots was tempting but i wasn't in the mood for shots. music wasn't too good either. it had a good mix.

i had...a good time. *hiak hiak*

nothing like drinks, music, dancing and good company.

thanks ah!

A*MEI concert tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -hyperventilate hyperventilate-

Asked for it.

i'm veeeeery....veeeeeeery tired.

but there is no one to blame.

because i asked for it....to be honest.

i have had...THREE...not 1, not 2, but 3 mahjong nights consecutively!

omg! my head is swirling even as i type this.

Friday night was the usual mj kakis but at MY place to conduct the opening ceremony of my NEW SPARKLING PURPLE TILES! pics up when i get from xuan. there was me, xuan, joyce and jeremy cheong (aka my-my).

oh wait! digress! before that, i had dinner with tony. we went to the sun with moon restaurant by the singapore river at central. it's a nice place...with niceeeeeee food! yummy! anyway, dat's my birthday treat to him (yah...way back in sep). this coming friday's one will be his treat to me. haha. aiyah, old friends liao...dun need too jiang jiu one la. nice food and nice company will do. maybe a nice drink soon!?! (heeheehee)

back to friday night mj.

NANA. GOT. TRASHED.

'nuff said. we ended after 3 rounds...around...6am.

i slept for about 6hrs den i had to go MS. bleah...

saturday...ROUND 2! *ding ding ding* i can nearly open a gambling den in my home already. arvin picked me up at MS, before heading down to causeway point to meet up with evelyn. we bought pizza and lasagne, pao pao cha and drinks...and then headed off to my place. while waiting for melvin and xiaokai, we ate our dinner, watched the arse-man u match, bathed and get ready for battle. melvin and xiaokai eventually came ard 9, then joyce came ard 11 ba.

1st set - me, arv, eve, xiaokai
2nd set - eve, mel, xiaokai, joyce (me and arvin were playing on my DS lite...blardy hell...he's better than me in the new super mario bros la!!! i'm hijacking his game! hahaha)
3rd set - me, eve/arv, mel, xiaokai

NANA.GOT.TRASHED.AGAIN.

boo...we ended ard 6+am...and i had to wake up at 11.30am. another 5 hrs of sleep only.

sunday.

just when i thought i'd decided to get enough rest for the work week, my-my called me and asked if i wanna play mj. again. at his place.

i hardly even considered. dammit. and just as i was gonna ask melvin, he smsed me "drinking tonight anybody?" waaaat sia...

birds of a feather flock together.

anyway, went tiong bahru and met my-my. he drove to harbourfront to meet his fren marcus and marcus' gf jenny. duh...harbourfront...was so near to outram park LOH! i finally had my pepper lunch at harbourfront (cheap too...cause it's pepper lunch express!) which i had been craving about that morning.

headed down to my-my's place after dinner. we played 3 rounds.

no, i didn't get trashed.

BUT.NANA.STILL.LOST!!!

waaaaaaaah...kena cut deep deep la...bleeeeeeeeeeeed!

i can't believe i lost throughout the weekend. it's just NOT my weekend.

*pout* unhappy jiang~

so now...i'm reeeeally reeeeeeally tired!

------------------------------------------------

on a separate note:

after a long, hard look and some really serious thoughts, i've come to the conclusion that...

there will be...

NOTHING.

it's the liberty that i enjoy, with no burdens and no consequence. no baggage, no liability, and no responsibility except to myself.

it's fine the way it is. i'd like to leave it that way, and keep it at that.

and after all, girls just wanna have fun!

Suddenly wished I'd sang much better at the Esplanade during the concert.

Rather disappointed.

Damn.