playing with fire

there are things which you know you shouldn't do, but you'll do it anyway.

then, there are things you know you should probably do, but you don't wanna do...for now.

well, isn't life just interesting? filled with dilemmas and decisions. moral, ethics and the whole works. opportunities, choices and regrets.

yeah....so interesting.

WOO! rooney just scored!!!

"rooney! rooney! rooney! rooney!"

sorry, got distracted by the match and my stupid dog barking.

shaddup louis!

anyway, yeah...the sms table-tennis yesterday was somewhat unexpected. not sure if it should have happened or not. anyway, it's done. i'm not a very nostalgic person anyway. not gonna look back and give the "should've-shouldn't have" crap. take a thing at a time.

by the way, i'm really sorry if this makes no sense. it's not meant to lah, for the larger audience. just let me reassure you that there is no serious problems i'm facing. hahaha...it's just those moral conscience thing. i can't put a finger to it.

need to take a long hard look at everything and decide properly what is the best thing to do. work is not getting any lighter. obligations and responsibilties are getting heavier. may need to take one step back and drop some stuff to focus more on myself. although i'm not a forward-thinker, it doesn't hurt to think through it a bit.

hmm...

go check my bank balance.

hahahaaa....

poignant statements

"oh...not another one of them...argh..."

"always make your boss look good." - if i may add, doesn't hurt to make your boss feel good too.

"nothing a drink can't help."

"materialistic people are easy to motivate."

"anything can happen! how would we know that liverpool will score an own goal right before the end?"

"which bag shall i get?"

"lim jiu mai?"

"bonus."

"money is always good; more money would be better."

"you're quite overloaded huh? don't worry...i know."

"drink tonight?"

"i've got no time to be sick!"

"if you wanna buy a bag, you might as well spend a bit more and buy a really good one!" - ok!

"i need a getaway."

i'm staying home today. even if it's a saturday. and i'm gonna be happy doing that.

i think there are 2 main thrusts to why i'm not going out on a sat (night or not).

1. my mum isn't too happy about me staying late out everyday. it's the dog...he's becoming quite a terror at home. i suppose i need to be more responsible about it. crap.

2. had an early start to the weekend. took fri off...but i went out and organised a chill-out session last night for my colleagues. it was alright...but ah...hopefully the next time i organise another one, it would be...better.

a couple of things made me rather delighted...so i'm quite satisfied taking the saturday off to recover and internalize everything.

i wanna go shopping leh.

haha...

wanna buy cosmetics and clothes...and more shoes. heeheehee...

want to go holiday too. i'm trying to figure if i should go japan AND bangkok all at once in oct/nov or separate the trips. that will be determined by my schedule. i'm still wondering how it will pan out. as off now...it seems like i have a 1-week window in mid oct, before kt and jw's wedding (where i have to sing and be jie-mei) and i still have that birthday party that i wanna do.

location, location, location.

where should i have my party? i want it to be exclusive! maybe a hotel suite...but must find not too expensive one. can hold up to...30 pax? hahaha...maybe more?? dun even know if i have so many friends in the first place.

i think i wun do the "back to school" theme...but i need to THINK what my theme is gonna be! maybe "go green"??? that's my fav colour anyway. i dunno..must think. and oh yes...invite list, booze, food, games, music, and if i'm feeling generous, maybe a goodie or two...biangz.

sponsors anyone? hahaha...i can offer a spot on my blog for a month...2 months...10?

right. let's see who will take THAT up.

ok. i need to go causeway point to shop/do grocery shopping and be a guai guai nu. he he he...

i need a 李圣杰

擦肩而过

我爱着谁 爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对

你不会累 但我却爱你爱到好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安慰付出一切

站在这平衡点 我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见 只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说 你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受 我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛 再多坎坷我都陪你走

就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候我的温柔陪你度过

Congrats to Derrick for, once again, creating a hit that we can all emo to!

let me go on.

actually, i don't feel like elaborating more about the earlier post.

ok loh. then i won't.













but i'm not so boliao to just say that as a follow-up to the last post. so i'll just say...

it was a rough day today.

i think today is just one of those days.

i wish i wasn't alone. and by alone, i dun mean alone at home (coz i'm not alone at home).

it's not the solitude. it's the emptiness solitude brings.

you can be surrounded by a million people and still feel alone. loneliness is not a state of being, it's a state of mind, or i prefer to say it as a state of heart. irrationality takes over. all you wanna do is be with somebody and not give a care in this world.

the pain of something happening is sometimes lesser than the pain of nothing happening.

i'm so caught up in my own emotions because i don't let anyone in.

i don't think anyone knows the true story. in fact, i doubt i know it. is it the mystic of not knowing? or just escapism from knowing? i dun really know what drives this thought process that haunts me.

which makes drowning the sorrows a slightly calculated move. it doesn't mean literally drinking your sorrows away. it just numbs your head and your heart, and remove the walls...the dams...the fort that is protecting yourself. or not.

doesn't matter.

the truth of the matter is, i hang on too much. i hang on to certain little actions, certain little tugs at the heartstrings, certain little words. i don't wanna over-react, but at the same time, i can't help myself from reacting...or acting. and i don't wanna play this entire game of second guessing, either myself or others, again. it's too tiring.

i...don't...know...if anyone can comprehend this.

like i said, it's one of those days.


nana wants to go out and play...party like a rock star...trashed to bits.

wah lao...

damn sian.

=(

squeeeezed

i really have no time.

so if i take forever to reply an sms, it's because i haven't had the chance to read it or no time to reply it.

and if i sound funny and impatient and fierce on the fone, chances are, i'm working or i'm with my boss...still working...even at 9...10...11pm.

and if i can't come out...it's probably cause i am STILL working...or i've had a loooong, rough day...so i really can't meet...or i have no strength to.

actually, it's not all bad.

i feel very focused now. like i know what needs to be done, even though half the time i'm still finding my way. but yah...i do feel more settled.

but it's really really stressful. i'm not getting enough sleep. adrenaline is all that's keeping me up. much like wat da big boss says,"since you're in the cheonging mood already...". yah...i am.

i even stopped drinking for close to 2 weeks. haha...but i think i'll need one REAL soon. maybe tonight? after i finish doing some work.

i just squeezed two minutes of my time to type this. and it's back to work.

anyway, if u see me at holland V, i'm probably working or JUST finished working on something.

i like to do my work at holland v. it's quiet. the people are generally nice(r). there's always space. i can stay here to work till late. and the coffee bean staff knows me. haha...yes, i've been here too often.

ok la. back to work!

Let's just pretend

Let's just pretend for a moment that nobody reads this.

Maybe there isn't a need to pretend coz nobody does anyway.

BUT, just for the sake of argument, let's...just pretend.

i'm hungry...i had only 1 ham and cheese sandwich all day and a coffee, and a couple pieces of potato chips.

my heel broke. 1 heel broke. the other heel is indestructible. so i look like i'm limping.

i don't wanna do copious amounts of papers. but they are gonna make me do copious amounts of papers. whyyyyy????????????

i don't like papers. now i have to specialize in writing papers. damn.

blardy neverending story.

it's not the writing that is half as annoying. it's the endless number of people and levels you have to clear before you finally get it cleared. and by the time that happens, you are probably late, screwed, or working on an extension of that paper.

this is why it never ends.

and the laptop shall be my new best friend.

i somehow feel as if my energy is completely sapped out of me.

i wanna go on a break. get away from papers. just lie in bed all day, read a couple of magazines, or a good book.

i don't even have time to go shopping!

and all my shoes are wearing out.

boooo....

i got no time for breakies or lunchies or dinnies anymore.

everyday eat junk food or instant noodles or the like.

so pathetic.

oh, and drink coffee...iced lattes upon iced lattes. even the coffee bean staff knows me by name already.

boohoohoo~~~ waaaah~~~~!!!

my life is OVER!!! OVER!!!!!!!!

Blind, high and dry.

really, really like the song "blind" by lifehouse.

rather poignant.

the song has been playing on repeat mode, and i haven't got sick of it.

the other one is high and dry by radiohead.

funny, coz these two songs are quite different. and they may or may not have bearings on my thoughts or emotions, be it in the past, current or in the future. hehehe...


Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI
never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this timeI never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

High & Dry

Two jumps in a week i bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
Flying on your motorcycle watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror your turning into something you are not
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation you will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces you just sit there wishing you could still make love
There the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
There the ones who'll spit at you, you will be the on screaming out
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Oh it's the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever,ever had
Its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever had has gone away
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry


ANYWAY, i remember blogging singing tips for some songs a while back. was considering if i should do something like that again. suddenly, i've been asked a lot of questions that i take FOREVER to answer. maybe i should write a book. hahahaaaa....or set up another blog just for that. avoid diluting the provoked thoughts expressed in my blog.

the many pains of life.

i've got no inspiration to write, nor have i been inspired to write about anything.

my life is turning into a major routine. this, despite my thursday hip-hop classes with chris that i just started last week. oh yes, and frequent saturday judgings for singout'08. and maybe the odd drinking session(s).

which reminds me..it's been awhile since i play mj!!! wah...i'm so sorry la...sunday's timing was super duper bad. maybe we should revert to the friday night plan. i have nothing much on saturdays anyway. =/

i was just wondering the other day. what if i just quit my job and plunge into singing full-time? haha...it's just a random and very rash thought la. i don't hate my job. it's just those "what-ifs". what if i didn't get swayed into not doing ALL the things i wanted to do? maybe i wouldn't be where i am now, which isn't necessarily a bad place/thing. i'm just wondering. if i pursued a bit harder. if i was more insistent. if i didn't allow some idiot to mess with my head. maybe i would be very different now.

was also thinking about not going out this week. stay at home. only go out if i have to. no drinks. no hanging out and chilling and getting all irritated by whatever may irritate me.

maybe do some healthy stuff for a change. go jog a bit more than last friday's feeble attempt. do some sit-ups and crunches to reach my goal of a toned tummy. i'm developing a mini beer belly. not very nice. eek!

oh, but it sounds like such a pain..................-whines-