Back For Good

So...2012, huh?

Well, the grand plan to stay away until I squeeze every second of my student visa did not come to fruition. Personal decision. Good, personal decision.

We did have a good run, didn't we? (I know, it's just "I" but the many "I"s make a collective "we". I'm schizo like that.)

1 year. It was such an amazing one year.

First, I visited a whole lot of beautiful and amazing places (outside of London). There was Paris before school started in September, Amsterdam snucked in during the Michaelmas term, Austria (Salzburg and Vienna) a week before the term ended and when it was snowing beautifully, Israel right after the term ended, a roadtrip to York, Edinburgh and Lake District during the Christmas period, and to cap off the year 2010, a nice visit to Oslo and Stockholm. Lent term saw me heading back to York and Edinburgh with some Singaporean friends via rail, and then another roadtrip to Bath (via Stonehenge), an unexpected stop at Exeter to queue for the iPad2, and a week of bliss in Cornwall. Easter holiday was spent at my aunt's in Basel, Switzerland, where I had some much-missed homecook food and Swiss treats (lotsa chocolate!!).

Of course, I cannot forget the days at Manchester. I finally saw my first live match at Old Trafford, Man Utd vs Chelsea no less (which the home team won 2-1). I toured the museum and stadium twice over on two separate occasions. I did a super last-minute and tiring bus trip to Manchester to catch Gary Neville's testimonial match, which saw the Class of '92 return to play. I saw David Beckham play, clean up real nice and be a real gentleman, signing autographs and letting us flash our cameras in his face. The shopping at Manchester, in my mum's words, was "better than London". I agree it is easier, but "better"? I disagree.

There was Bicester Village (ok, not London, but close enough), days upon days walking down Long Acre to get to Chinatown, Regent Street, Oxford Street, Knightsbridge, Bond Street, Selfridges in particular, Harrods (at times), Westfield at Stratford, plus possibly my most regular place to go: TESCO EXTRA at Surrey Quays. I think I can never shop in Singapore again. Really.

And the food, oh the food. I really didn't miss the food in Singapore. Part of the reason was that I could cook, and my friends and I did cook regularly. We made soups, dishes, rice, pasta...and just to boast a little, we were very successful with our Hainanese Chicken Rice, Bak Kut Teh and Ko Lo Yuk (Sweet and Sour Pork). In fact, we had a wonderful Chinese New Year reunion dinner! And if we didn't cook, there was always Gold Mine (best roast duck in the world), Yauatcha (1-Michelin-starred dim sum), Lido (dim sum and more), C & R (Singaporean/Malaysian food), Jasmine Princess (I think...at Mayfair, dim sum), Belgos (musselssss and beer) and the best pho in the world at Cafe East! At the very least, we could always count on the takeaway place near our residence. Singaporean noodles or fried rice, anyone?

School life was a rollercoaster ride. There were days of relative quiet, when all you think about is showing up for the two days of lesson and pretend you know what is being said. Then there are hurried days of preparing for presentations, writing your essays, wondering if what you said or wrote made any sense or did someone called your bluff. There was the mugging that we Singaporeans were so used to, the tension and stress of exams, the 10-minute blank-out from the word 'GO' before you furiously start scribbling whatever you can possible remember and attempt to string into proper sentences. Halfway through, you start panicking about the lack of time and how you still have 2 or more questions to complete. Your hand feels limp but you still need to muster whatever strength you have left until the examiner says, "STOP. Please put down your pens." You scribble that last word, hoping no one saw you, check that you have your name and pray that somehow, God's hand was on that paper, not yours. You feel that relief and it's as if everything you mugged for that subject has been poured out, together with your relief. It repeats. Twice.

And after the exams are over, it's the dreaded dissertation. I started my studies not knowing what I was going to write, and then, having a feel of what I wanted to write. It changed after several discussions with the adviser. Not much, but just narrower, and narrower...and it's a discovery of just how ambitious or totally clueless you were when you first started thinking about your thesis. It was the latter for me. Then you kinda put it aside over the Lent term, and the holidays, and the exam period, and only really start on some serious work when you are done "resting" after the exams. Then you (I) generally panic for a few weeks, wondering what to do, how to do what, when to do what...and the biggest question of all "HOW AM I GONNA CHURN OUT 10,000 WORDS?!?".

The first step was to get the resources and documents. That meant many trips to the library to borrow thick, heavy books, photocopy as much as you can (*ahem*, as the copyright laws allow for, I meant), and for those you deem important enough, to hog it with your life and bring it home. There were also trips to the British Archives, which to me was quite the eye-opener. I touched REAL official documents from the past, letters which heads-of-states, kings and presidents signed, memos, etc, and took photos of these documents for my research. Ingenious suggestion from one of my profs.

And then, it was to read ALL these material and make sense of it. I also started just typing ideas out and reproducing chunks of information on my laptop, while organising my thoughts and my study area. By then, I had reduced my living/dining room to my study area. Everything was on the floor, on the coffee table, on the dining table, on the TV console. Finding a place to eat or sit meant removing some materials and relocating them somewhere else for the time being.

And then, as you start putting your thesis together (from skeleton to having some actual meat) you realise you've been wrong all this time. The real question should have been: HOW AM I GONNA KEEP MY THESIS TO 10,000 WORDS??? This process, might I add, took me a good 2 weeks. And that includes formatting and writing the references and bibliography. Not. Fun. At. All. When I finally got it done and ready for printing and submission, it was not really "Phew! My thesis is ready!" but more "I don't care if it makes sense! It's less than 10,000 words! I can't wait to get it out!!!"

But really, the past year had been such a great experience. I liked living on my own. I liked London. Most of all, it made me appreciate everything I had in Singapore: the conveniences and awesome things about Singapore that we take for granted (good leaders, transport, food, good but comfortable standard of living), my family and my friends. There is still no place like home.

Except for shopping.

A Million Love Songs Later

Yeap, still keeping with my trend titling with song titles or lyrics.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2 days. I haven't actually sung it out loud (why haven't I?), but it's been there alright. Not sure what triggered it. Perhaps something I read on FB.

So, this morning - no wait, it's afternoon cos by the time I woke up it was already noon.

So, from the moment I woke up to now, which has been all of 1.5hrs, I have had a few realisations:

1. 1990, was 21 years ago. More than 2 decades! Oh man, oh man, oh man.

2. There is too much negativity online. Not just the things people say, but the way they say it. There is so much cynicism, bragging, sarcasm, envy...and the list COULD go on. I've been asking myself if I really want to read stuff like that. Do I? No, I don't. So what can I do about it? I could be selective in what I read/comment/like. I could try to post stuff that do not emit a negative vibe. Or, maybe, I could get off social networking sites altogether. The last one is, for now, just a thought. I could do the first two though, and I WILL!

3. I am perfectly contented. Not envious of anyone, of their lifestyle, of their career, or what they've got. I know, so surely, that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in life. It doesn't mean it's all bubbles and strawberries all the time, everyday, but once again, I can't deny that I am truly, unabashingly, undoubtedly and knowingly HAPPY about my life, and where I am in life. And I wished everyone, especially the people that I love, would get that same perfect contentment in life and get to know how this feels. Because baby, it feels good! It feels victorious.

Right, so it's a rainy day in London-town. Great day to stay in. I'm gonna make me some lunch and let the words come right through my fingers (thesis!) until I am all hungry again.

Missing all my peeps! :)

My few cents worth - 7 May 2011

I just needed to let off some steam, seeing as to how I have been mostly keeping my thoughts to myself in the last two weeks or so. I've refrained from starting or joining the online debates, for personal reasons, but now that everything is (hopefully, more or less) done, I just need to get some things off my chest about this whole GE.

This post however, is not about who or what party I support. I mean, it's all cool and good and fine that there was debates about issues, and that almost all constituencies were contested. It's just my personal discomfort with certain aspects of this GE.

1. I don't get the name-calling. Surely, things don't need to get personal? Come on, aren't we supposed to be civilised adults (21-year-olds and above) who know better, which is why we get to vote and not every other little Tom, Dick or Harry. Do we really need to resort to calling people (whom we don't know) silly, rude or insulting names?

2. What's with the conspiracy theories? About the secrecy of the vote. About the media being controlled by the government and hence you cannot believe a single word. (yes, I get it that it is government-controlled, but come on, surely there has been improvement? So you can believe what is on FB and Twitter instead?) About how civil servants are tracked and how it affects your promotion. About relations and linkages (Singapore is SO small loh! I think we have three-degrees of separation, at the most! Just pick ANYBODY on FB who is living in Singapore.)

3. The Kate Spade thing. I GEDDIT that people don't like TPL and think she is unworthy or not a good candidate. What I don't get is, SO WHAT IF SHE HAS A FREAKING KATE SPADE? Even my younger sis owns a Kate Spade! Does that mean that since I own some Miu Mius and LVs and Guccis, I can never, ever think of becoming a parliamentarian??? Just walk down Orchard. Tell me how many people you see carrying a branded bag. I rest my case.

4. The silly proposals. As much as I get the concern and the respect that people have for GY, calling him to be the next president of Singapore is a complete insult to both the current President, and to GY. His strength is in policy-making and working for the people, and that is where he should be.

5. The idea that people only vote for the PAP or did not vote for the opposition out of fear. Another super idiotic conspiracy theory. Can't I vote because I prefer status quo. Can't I vote with either my heart or my head, without you thinking that there is something wrong with either my heart or my head?

6. And the call for people to do the right thing (and referring this to vote for a particular party). You think what? Russell Peters ah? Be a man, do the right thing! What's the right thing? The right thing is to cast the vote! Whether this or that party. Or even if it is an intentional void vote because you cannot decide, have no qualms about either or you'd rather choose neither. At least you have done your civic duty and cast that vote. THAT'S the right thing.

7. Taking issues or quotes out of context. If you wanna inform people about issues, you should do so properly. Don't take an issue, or a photo, or a quote and leave it for interpretation, especially when you are trying to insinuate something. Just because social networking sites have given you the power to spread information, doesn't mean you don't have any responsibility. Have some morality. Be objective. If not, at least be fair to all parties.

8. The snide remarks. I HATE THE SNIDE REMARKS. So so so juvenile. Again, you are supposed to be rational adults which is why you get the privilege of voting. Please, act like one.

That's more or less what I needed to gripe about. I must say, this GE thing made me consider quitting all forms of social networking. If not for the fact that I need to keep in contact with my family and friends, I would have done a FB/Twitter account suicide.

Dental, checked. Fish Head Curry, checked.

Yesterday was a busy, busy day. Much like the day before. And the day before.

I had a dental appointment. My first with a new dentist. My first dental visit in...like...3 years. I know, I'm not proud about it.

So I had this super teeth scaling and polishing that made my gums bleed. By bleed, I mean serious bleeding. It's as if my gums were having their period. Argh. It was a little uncomfortable at some bits, cos as much as I think I have been taking good care of my teeth, I haven't been taking good ENOUGH care of them.

And so, the dentist said it could be that I am prone to gum disease, and promptly gave me 2 special mouthwash to complement my dental care. And I promptly headed to Watsons after that to get me some new floss as well. No more half-hearted flossing. There is gonna be some SERIOUS flossing. I am determined to keep my sparklies sparkling for 1 year, till I can come back for my next dental.

My teeth felt so clean and bright, that I actually felt guilty drinking or eating anything besides plain water.

The irony was that I was meeting the past & present Hilltop girls for Fish Head Curry at Banana Leaf Apolo for dinner.

Argh!

Dinner, however, was FANTASTIC. While waiting for the 2 current Hilltop girls, Karen and I ordered a fish cutlet (minced fish, potato, spices) and some deep-fried onions-in-spices-thingy. When the girls finally arrived, we went straight for the jugular, and ordered a fish head curry, a masala prawn and a masala chicken. We all had biryani rice, which was yummy, and heaps of papadum. YUMMEH!

Dinner, of course, is not complete without lime juice and lots of updating, gossiping and chit-chating. It was a blast and I had fun picking on the leftovers while listening to the conversation(s). It was awesome.

No pictures because when the non-camera folks (past and present) come together, we generally forget to take photos, even when we already HAVE camera phones. Or maybe it was because we were all too hungry to bother. lol.

I'm so glad we met up. I'm so glad to know them, to have them as firm friends. They are part of a small group of people I know whom I feel I have some kind of affinity with. Some things just click with them. And it doesn't happen very often. So I'm glad.

Things you know you''ll regret doing, but will still do.

Some days, I feel as if one should not have an itchy backside.

In colloquial-speak, an "itchy backside" means "an action that asks for it". "It" being whatever you didn't want to get; a feeling, some kind of retribution, or action.

And I, for one, have an itchy backside.

I mean, I know for a fact that I should not do some stuff, or say some things, but somehow, I still do it. And then, when I have to face the consequences, I wish I hadn't had an itchy backside and started it. That is when I start regretting what I did/said, and wished I had the cow sense to not do/say those things.

Why does that happen?

Hmm...curiousity mostly. Sometimes, it's sheer stupidity. I don't know which comes first. I suppose it's stupid curiosity.

For example, there are somethings I DON'T NEED to know, but I still WANT to know, just because I wonder what it is and what would happen IF I knew.

So I find out. And I know. And it does NOTHING GOOD for me. I don't feel good about it. And I wonder now, WHY did I even bother finding out when life would have been SOOOO much better if I didn't.

Okay, hold that thought. Now, this concept does not apply to people who cheat and/or lie. If someone is cheating or lying to you, you'd better do ALL you can to find out EVERYTHING so you can make an informed decision of DUMPING him/her. By dump, I refer to all KINDS of relationship: personal, intimate, friendship, business, whatever.

Back to the topic.

Yes, there are just some days I slap my forehead and whack my tushie to chide myself for being such a busybody. And I ask the perennial question,"WHHHHHYYYYYYY????", followed by an exasperated "argh!!!".

You'd think with age and experience, you'd be a little wiser.

But nooooooo............

Puh!

Hair

I have an obsession with hair.

Those on my head. (Hello? What are you thinking???)

I have a (bad) habit of touching my hair from roots to ends and feeling if it's frizzy or curly or not quite right. And I can spot a short - wait, make that very, very, VERY short strand that is not growing out right. How short? Say, less than a centimetre? And I'll get my sis to take a tweezer and pull it out.

Whenever I have nothing to do, or reading or studying or stoning, I touch my hair. I feeeel my hair.

My mum says it's my bad habit. My cousin, who once saw me studying and playing with my hair, once remarked, "She touch-touch her hair only, then can study already (as in, do well in my studies)!" LOL.

Actually, I don't know what it is about hair that I am so obsessed about. It's slightly OCD-ish. I can't help it. As much as I feel bad whenever I pull a hair out, whether accidentally or on purpose, I still do it.

AND, I noticed other girls who do it too. So, I'm not alone.

I really can't explain it. I just hope I won't get bald in the process. *Knock on wood*

Good, bad, happy, sad?

Some days, I wonder if the reason why I really cannot think of anything to blog about is because I am not miserable, depressed and sad.

I remember the times when I wrote stuff with so much emotions, innuendos and "philosophies of life". And I would always get these comments about how true they were and how I was speaking their minds, etc etc.

But you know what? I really wasn't happy then.

I suppose for many people, it's all these sad, miserable, depressing thoughts that gives them the inspiration to write. But I don't like how I felt then. I felt inadequate, unappreciated, unworthy, unhappy, and all the other words with a prefix in front of a nice, positive word to make it the exact opposite.

Nah...I don't want that. I like that I am happy now. That I am satisfied, yet hopeful. Joyful and feel completely worthy.

So I should write about things that makes me happy in life.

Like today, I went to church and heard an awesome sermon, despite feeling a little sleepy at times. Then, I had fish-head curry for dinner, even though I shouldn't, with my throat not feeling that great. And now, I am ALMOST done with grading this class.

Tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow will bring? I may not like it now (cos I have a class tomorrow), but hey, I know it'll be a blessed day and a day full of hope and happiness!

I may not be happy all the time, but I have joy in my heart, and I will be a happy person.

That's all that matters.

Hitting the half-year mark

Isn't it shocking that it's almost July already?!? Yup, half a year has gone by with the twinkling of an eye. In fact, many halves of years have gone by in the twinkling of an eye.

So what have I done this year thus far?

Actually, I don't like this question. I'm not one who looks at the past. Neither do I look too far into the future. I am a present person.

I like presents.

*ice cold*

To be honest, I can't recall much of what has happened, even in the last 6 months or so. I know, however, that I've had a very restful time. My mum would say TOO restful, but I beg to differ. I think it is necessary to rest. Rest physically, rest emotionally, rest mentally, rest in the Lord.

Anyway, it's the year of Restful Increase! So the more I rest, the more I'll have...whatever I want.

The next 6 months are gonna be a blast. That's for sure. Looking forward to infinity...and beyond~~~!!!

Inner Thoughts: Penetrated

A few things:

1. My FB has been compromised.

2. I should have just done what I've always done. Shut it.

3. People think too much. Waaaay too much.

4. People read too much into words. Waaaay too much.

5. People hint too much. Why bother?

Note to self: Hang in there. Almost out...

What do you do at 1.30am?

Actually, it's already 1.45am.

The parents are asleep. Even the sister is asleep. The dog is probably dreaming by now.

And I am all awake, thanks to 2 things: Hell's Kitchen on FB, and a large Coke from BK.

Did you know the medium Coke at BK is probably the same size as the regular Coke at McDs? So the large Coke that I bought actually is more like a medium to me. Shouldn't all fast food chains just standardize their cup sizes? Economies of scale!

So, anyway, I spent about an hour trying to beat the high score on Hell's Kitchen on FB. I can't even beat my own high score. And the more I try, the worse I get. I think I should just try it in the day. Perhaps it's the Z-bug hitting me.

So besides just lamely surfing, I decided to do a little housekeeping. I use this word loosely. I just refilled my cotton pads, found I ran out of cotton buds, and that I have a whole lotta crap in my cupboards.

This is bad. I need to get rid of them, and quick. But you know how clearing the mess you've created (and hoarded) is always such a chore? And I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow, do it tomorrow." In actual fact, tomorrow comes and goes and I have done nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

I think like all things, I need a timeline.

Oh, but it is SUCH a chore to work out a timeline.

*Heading to bed*

Who are these people?

I just realised that my blog has a following of 5. Scratch that. I meant, I have 5 "followers". Who are they anyway? I don't recognise any of those names.

Same as Twitter. I always get some random people following me. Who are you, 4dsiao? Was it because I randomly, on one single rare occasion, mentioned about 4d? And superkumantong? Li si siang?

Good thing is that I have a rather strict policy about adding Friends on Facebook. You'd better be a friend to be added as a Friend. But even then, sometimes, I forget who some of these people are. Hmm...this name sounds familiar? Where have I met you? And then, there I those I wished I didn't know. Don't get me started on why I even added them. I forgot why I lost all sanity and went against my better judgement NOT to. Bah.

I've given up on world/cyber domination. At least via blogs. For a few reasons, especially after browsing some very pro blogs.

1. I don't particularly enjoy thinking about layouts, pictures and stuff. In fact, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm quite lazy with posting photos. I've even more lazy editing them. Sometimes, I'm even too lazy to upload. Make that, most of the time.

2. I've got nothing interesting to write about (for now). Not a celebrity (of any and all kinds). I'm not in some happening PR or media industry that holds the deepest darkest secrets that I can expose. Nothing particularly fashionable about me. No interest in politics, defence news (yeah, you'd be surprised), celebrity culture, popular culture, lifestyle, any other random topic. Have no insights on any particular occupation (that I can talk about, at least), couplehood (nope), singlehood (depressing) or motherhood (zilch).

3. I've got faith. But don't want to write anything that may be deemed sacrilegious, blasphemous or controversial.

4. And if by now you have not noticed (who are you?), no one else reads.

So why bother?

But I write for my own entertainment. And because those fidgety fingers need to type oh-so-often.

My fingers have a mind of their own. Tipperty-tappity-tap.

That's why I blog.

But really, who are you people???

A little perspective

As i get involved with all these youngsters in school, I sometimes wonder what they would be like when they step out of their little comfort zone into the big, (sometimes) bad world.

I can't imagine myself being at 16, 17, 18 and going through all these politics. I keep telling them, if they think it's hard now, wait till they start working. And also, you don't want to start all these nonsense now; you have the next 40 years of your life to do that.

And then I wonder why people go through all that at all? Can't we just live and let live?

I get mad at people, pissed off and irritated, but I try to not let that affect the way I treat that person or even my day. Time is too precious to hang onto it. I'd rather think of happier things I could be doing.

It really doesn't mean that I have to be zen all the time. I just don't want to worry about too many things, especially when they are out of my control.

But kids will be kids. They think they're old enough to handle all these nonsense. I don't think they are, but I'll let it be.

Let it be, let it be...there will be an answer, let it be.